Saturday, September 26, 2009

Comfortable in My Own Skin

Well I went to the wedding today that I have been stressing over ever since I got the invite. At first I didn't know if I would even go but after all of you commented about how I should go, I knew I had to. I didn't want to let all of you down. I was really really scared and I knew it would be hard but I also knew I would regret it if I didn't go. While I was getting ready I was listening to a song, "Addicted" by Kelly Clarkson. In the song she says "I know I let you have all the power" and that really hit me. I thought, for all the worrying and thought that I am putting into what could happen, I am really giving up my power and giving it to everyone I am worrying about.

I also thought about the quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

So I went with that in mind along with a few reassuring positive statements to help me feel a little more confident.

Another thing- when I am nervous about some event, I always want to buy a new outfit to wear to it because wearing something new just makes me feel more confident for some reason. I think its a girl thing. So I was really wanting a killer outfit. But honestly, I knew it wasn't a good time for such a splurge and so I decided instead I would try really hard to be comfortable in my own skin. This meant wearing something I already had in my closet. That doesn't mean that I didn't spend all morning curling my hair and getting ready :)

When I got there I was immediately greeted by the groom's sister who is a dear friend of mine from high school as well. It was soooo good to see her! She and her parents were genuinely thrilled to see me too! It was very sweet. I saw and reconnected with a handful of people that really meant a lot to me growing up.

The ex boyfriend that I was sure would be there and I had spent so much time worrying over the inevitable confrontation...wasn't even there. The only one there from his family was a little brother (whom I have always felt hated me) and his new wife (I wasn't invited to that wedding go figure). It was awkward at first and I said hello and just ignored them the rest of the time. I was decorating the groom's car when this little brother and his wife came out to talk with me and catch up. And even though it was awkward when I first saw him and my thoughts were racing about him judging me, at this moment, I didn't care at all. We caught up and I felt genuinely happy to be me, happy to be where I was, and not caring a bit what he thought about it.

I left feeling very proud of myself and happy that I didn't give in to the fear because the rewards of those I got to see and hug and smile with really made it all worth it. So thank you for motivating me to go!



June said...

Excellent outcome and report.

Another good quote to remember: "We wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of us if we realized how infrequently they do."

Amazingly, I am not the Number One Topic on everyone's mind.

amy said...

Soo happy you went and even happier that you felt great about it! I've said sooo many times before (and you have too) that anticipatory anxiety is the WORST! The actual event that we worry about for days, weeks ends up being not such a big ol' deal!

Since my anxiety kicked in about a year ago, I have this lovely social anxiety now too that I NEVER used to have...I used to be a social butterfly really. So now I just freak out ALL day long if my hubs throws something at me spontaneously. Like last Friday morning he tells me that we're gonna have dinner with this man he just met recently and his wife...WHAT??? I freaked out all day, I ended up telling him to tell them we could meet up for a drink after dinner but that I didn't want to do dinner :( I did NOT face my fears! We did meet up for a drink at this piano bar, but it was so loud that we didn't even talk that much, which was fine with me! How horrible is that? Of course, I'm beating myself up and wondering why I'm like this and hating that I am this way now! Personally, I would rather go to a large function and mingle than sit down to dinner with just two other people that I've never met, I'm not a good conversationalist!

Anyways, so like I said, I'm proud of you for facing your fears! Any advice on social anxiety would be great too!



Laney said...

YAY Aimee!

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