Thursday, January 20, 2011

Worst Fears Sometimes Do Come True

Happy to say that my little boy finally came on Nov 23rd. He is such a blessing and a little sweetheart. Meet Paxton:

Most of the time I tell myself I am worrying for no reason, and alot of times my fears are very silly and I know it. And that is usually the case. But I admit I am a big wuss, and I was really concerned about the pain of delivering a baby again. So I did everything I could think of to prepare.
  • I switched doctors and hospitals to be able to deliver at one that was right down the street. 
  • I took a tour of the hospital to be more familiar with where I needed to go.
  • I spoke with my doctor and the hospital personel about how I deliver very quickly.
  • I watched videos about how to breathe during labor and I practiced. 
  • I wrote out my positive affirmations and packed them in my hospital bag.
  • I created a playlist of peaceful songs on my ipod.
However, it is very unfortunate and sad and scary to say that my worst fears about his delivery ultimately came true and that no matter how much I prepared, my fate was ultimately in the hands of other people.

For the first two hours of contractions I was really proud of myself. I did my breathing exercises and handled the contractions really well. I was in good spirits because I figured my epidural would be coming any minute and I could hang on until then. To make a really long story short, even though I told the staff I wanted an epidural as soon as possible and that I deliver very quickly, it still took them 2.5 hrs from the time I asked for it to get it to me and the first epidural only numbed my legs, not the contractions. So by the time I got the correct dosage, it was too late. I ended up delivering my baby naturally and then had the epidural kick in afterwards. Not trying to scare any women out there, but it was the most painful experience of my life. It was a nightmare come true. I still get angry when I think about it. The worst part was that I was in so much pain, obviously so, and the nurses were just moseying around like they see it everyday, no big deal, no need to rush to help me out. Luckily since I deliver quickly the whole torturous event only lasted 4 hours. All I can conclude from the experience is that if I ever have another baby, I will learn how to deliver naturally not because I want to, but because its the only way I can be in control if I need to be.

So after a long break of sleepless nights and lots of baby spit up, I think I am finally ready to take back my life and get things rolling again. Thanks for all of the well wishes sent my way, I really appreciate them.

Anyone else ever feel like they had to rely on others to help them in a scary situation? Did they come through for you or were you let down?

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