Monday, April 27, 2009

I haven't died, promise.

I have really struggled lately about posting, because its been so long and I feel so bad that it has just become overwhelming and so I have avoided it altogether. You get this feeling like, "I gotta post something really good" and that's no fun. When I started this blog, it was for me, because that's what I needed at the time just to make it through the day. Every day I felt extreme anxiety and this was a therapeutic way to journal about my feelings and try to make sense of everything. Over time the blog has changed, as well as its purpose. I feel now that the blog is no longer for me, but rather, its for all of you.

I still have anxiety. The last few months have definitely tested my skills and I know I am still on a journey to figuring it all out. But where I used to be so open about everything, I feel hesitant to be so open now which definitely means the blog is no longer for me.

Do I want to keep posting? Definitely. Do I want the blog to stay alive? Of course. As I notice all the spammers taking over the comments section it really REALLY angers me. But then one soul out there will leave a real, genuine, heartfelt comment that I know was hard to write and that makes EVERYTHING worth it.

So I will continue to post when I find something for you of value, but how often? I can't say. But I haven't died, promise. And I hope the blog doesn't either. But I won't put in fluff just so I can say I blogged. If you have a topic that you are interested in learning more about please leave a comment so I can research it or fill you in on any tips that I already have. As long as its not a comment soley based on selling xanax or other advertisements I am all for it. I want to help you if I can, so let me.

On a side note, I like to do hobbies to boost my self-esteem and because they are relaxing. When spring comes I am itching to get in the dirt and plant something. I have always done flowers but this year I am starting my first garden.

I am trying out a square foot garden, and we'll see how it does. Everything I am learning about this process I have learned from the blog My Square Foot Garden:

Gardening is SOOO relaxing to me. It feels good to get some work done and be outside in the warmth and then to watch something grow because of what you did. Usually I end up killing a lot of what I plant so I get really excited when something actually grows!

These are my baby strawberries. I have also planted lettuce, onions, and carrots and will try some tomatoes and corn in a little bit when its warmer.

Other hobbies I recommend learning about are photography and yoga.

Hope all is well out there!
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