Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Master Rather than Victim of My Mind

photo by tibbly
This morning I woke up and again I felt defeated without even getting out of bed. I thought things like, "Here we go again." "Another day of struggling." "I don't want to deal with this today" "This is so hard." I get out of bed with this horrible attitude of self defeat, sometimes not even realizing it, it sometimes is just a feeling in my stomach that puts me in a negative frame of mind. I really want to work on this because it does set the mood for my day and makes it so much harder to stay positive and not fall into the role of the Victim. All along I have been thinking that I am not really effected very much by the negative self talk of The Victim, but I am realizing that this self defeating attitude I face in the mornings really is The Victim creeping into my life and ruining my confidence, self respect and motivation.

So I need to stop sabotaging my recovery. I need to stop acting like I am a Victim of circumstances, and realize the affirmation I tell myself all the time: "I am in control of my life." I need to start the day with more positive thinking. The first step is to get rid of the idea that its definitely going to be a hard or bad day. I don't know if it will be a hard day or not, but telling myself that will make it hard. So if I wake up feeling bad I should say to myself "This might be hard today, but I can handle it. I can do this." I want to become Master of my mind and not a Victim of it. So heres my challenge to myself. The next day I wake up feeling scared, hopeless, or annoyed about having to start the process all over, I am going to try to remember to think of any of these positive affirmations instead:
(found at www.bmindful.com)

View this positive affirmationI have the power to control my health.
View this positive affirmationI am in control of my health and wellness.
View this positive affirmationI do not fear being unhealthy because I know that I control my own body.
View this positive affirmationI am creating healing energy in my life
View this positive affirmationMy thoughts are under my control.
View this positive affirmationI am taking care of my mental health every day

Maybe I will write one out on a note card and put it on my nightstand or on the bathroom mirror or in my closet so I can see it when I wake up.

Also, I am trying really hard this week to do yoga everyday if possible, and to eat something for every meal. Even if its a small something, I don't want to get into the habit of skipping meals altogether. Also I am trying to follow the good advice of my sister. Make every bite count. So if I can only eat a little something, it will be packed with calories and be very nutritious. So far, so good.

The following is an excerpt from the book "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook Fourth Edition". I didn't list the whole passage but enough of it to remind me about how I am in control of my life and can choose to feel fear or replace it with peace:

"Focusing on a fear always makes it worse. I can change my focus to loving, supportive constructive ideas. I can't make fearful thoughts go away. Struggling with them only makes them loom larger. Instead I can redirect my mind to more peaceful calming thoughts and circumstances. Every time I do this I am choosing Peace instead of Fear.The more I choose peace, the more it becomes a part of my life.With practice I get better at redirecting my mind. I learn how to spend less time focusing on fear. I grow stronger in my ability to choose wholesome, helpful thoughts over fearful ones. I make time to relax- to reconnect with that place deep within myself that is always at peace. When I make time to do this, I can choose to move away from fearful thoughts. I can allow my mind to expand into a wider place that is much larger than my fearful thoughts. When I relax or meditate my mind becomes deep enough to transcend fear.

I'm learning to see that my fearful thought grossly overestimate risk or threat. The true risk I face in most situations is actually very small. True its impossible to eliminate risk from life altogether.

I'm learning to recognize my tendency to exaggerate risk, to blow them out of proportion. Every fear involves both overestimating the threat of danger and underestimating my ability to cope.

The important thing is not to feed fear. Not to dwell on it or give it energy..."

I no longer want to feed my fear or my Victim within. Only my tummy :)


Arminius said...

Good luck with your anxiety disorder. Fighting something like that takes a lot of courage. It's inspiring to see someone doing it.

RobM said...

I find your story inspiring as I have been trying to accept the fear/anxiety and learning how to deal with it using positive thinking. I am finding it hard because I recently realized that I have the negative trait of pessimism which I am fighting hard to change! Thank you for taking time to help others by writing about your trials and conquests.

Aimée said...

Thank you for your comment, you made my day. Its people like you that I do it for, and you make it all worth it. Hope to hear from you again soon!

Anonymous said...

Well done for writing this blog. It's really encouraging and reassuring. I hope that anxiety soon becomes a thing of the past for you. It's usually a single incident that you experienced in the past which your subconscious mind is trying to protect you from re-experiencing. It's counterproductive, I know, but the mind can be so irrational in it's attempt to be helpful. One other technique is to identify a time that triggered anxiety in your life and try to make your inner self understand that the threat has passed and you can be free now. I never used to have anxiety problems until I had one bad experience of being ill whilst traveling; since then I get jittery in certain situations, sometimes having to go to the toilet because of it! I'm also working on mastering the mind more.

Anonymous said...

Another technique is to recount all those times when you've handled situations really well...

Anonymous said...


I found peace in your writing. Remember that your not in it alone, lots of people have to deal with anxiety. me too. Its important to keep positive. Thanks for the uplifting, encouragement:) You rock.

Keep it up>

Anonymous said...

you just gave me an affirmation that positive thinking is the way to go. thank you. i suffer from anxiety as well, and this means alot to me, hope we all succeed in our fight against this very small thing that tries to overtake our lives.

Anonymous said...

I think doing something selfless and good for others helps to deal with anxiety...it kind of takes the focus off your negative thoughts and makes you feel good for doing something good...we should all make more time in our lives to give back...including me!

mars said...

i hope i can make it to myself..
most of the time i suffer with my anxiousness!!!i believe that i can be free with this

Renae said...

I love your blog! I feel like we're on the same page with our anxiety issues. You are giving hope and inspiration to many. Another amazing book to read is Feeling good, the new mood therapy by Dr. David Burns. It's amazing!

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