Sunday, August 5, 2007

Personal Bill of Rights

photo of one of my dogs on the way to the mountains on Friday

I am so sorry that it has been so long since I've posted. I took the weekend off for a little get away for my anniversary but I am back now. I had a really great time and I got a new Rebel XT Digital camera so hopefully I can put more of my own pictures on here in the future.

I also had a bridal shower on Saturday and when I showed up I noticed tables set up in another room with place settings, and the smells coming from the kitchen told me there was a full on meal being prepared. Usually at showers there is a light amount of food, fruit, desserts, maybe a croissant sandwich, but this smelled heavy. Sure enough it was a two course meal and I got nervous. I took a spot that was in the corner but surprisingly the table I chose filled up with people while others stayed more empty. I cursed myself for picking the spot. I was hoping to be more secluded so I wouldn't feel like I was being watched. So I took a little clonozepam. The first course was a soup served in wine glasses with a shrimp garnish. (the grandmother making the food used to own a restaurant). I tried it and although it wasn't gross, it wasn't my favorite. So I took my time and watched everyone else. Some ate all of theirs, others hardly ate any which comforted me to feel like I didn't have to eat it all if I didn't want to. So I didn't. he next course was served buffet style and it was a mexican dish with tortillas, rice, veggies and grilled chicken. It was really yummy and I was able to take an amount I was comfortable with. I LOVE buffets for that very reason. So I made it through and the dessert was a yummy sorbet. I was proud that I made it through something I didn't prepare for at all.

So thank you for the thoughts my way and support.

Here is an interesting concept found in The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook:

Its called your "Personal Bill of Rights". This concept is drawn on the idea that we all have rights as human beings and sometimes we either forget or we don't realize that we have them because we weren't taught them as children growing up. If we can not only realize these rights but also learn to exercise them than we can build a more assertive attitude which means we respect ourselves enough to be conscious of our basic human rights. Here is the list:

  1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
  2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
  3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
  4. I have the right to change my mind.
  5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
  6. I have the right to follow my own standards and standards.
  7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
  8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
  9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
  10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
  11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
  12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
  13. I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm scared."
  14. I have the right to say "I don't know."
  15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
  16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
  17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
  18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
  19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
  20. I have the right to be in a non abusive environment.
  21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
  22. I have the right to change and grow.
  23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
  24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
  25. I have the right to be happy.
He says that if you read through this list everyday carefully, eventually you will learn to accept that you are entitled to each of the rights enumerated.

Personally, my favorites are 19, 15, and 21. Which ones are your favorites and why?

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Dave B. said...

I remember this list from my assertive training course back in the winter. Very helpful. I sometimes forget about it, but mostly I've gotten in the habit of asserting myself and not letting others get me down.


Anonymous said...

Pretty good, but my favorite one is missing.

"I have the right to be left alone."

Aimée said...

Oh thats an excellent addition! Thank you for sharing that one.

PisceanParadox said...

Hello Aimee...

So glad i decided to put the word `anxiety` in my profile; i had the intentions of removing it. But the fact is, it is an undeniable part of my existence, so I felt very happy (and sad) at knowing there are someone else's struggles out there. In my fluttering little blog (which has no idea what its doing) i`m trying to work out WHY i should be here, and WHO the hell would care anyway. Got scared thinking that its unimportant, and that i should remove it so those with no amount of empathy can bypass it completely. And then I found your page, and I`m glad. Basic human rights are something that I struggle with daily, Reading these above just reminds me that I had them all along. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve just as much as everyone else.

Aimée said...

Hi PisceanParadox! Welcome :) I am so glad you found this post helpful. Blogging is awesome and I think you should stick with it. I like what you have done with your blog. Its always nice to know that we're not alone in these struggles. And I struggle the most with my self confidence and remembering that I deserve to be healthy and happy. Its tough. I hope to hear from you again soon!

Take Care

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