Tuesday, August 28, 2007

How Self-Esteem Feels

This is taken from La Belle Foundation which is a self-esteem learning foundation (S.E.L.F.):

"These are general descriptions of how we feel when our self-esteem is high and how we feel when it is low. Those of us who fit either description on a regular basis know that our self-esteem is in tact or in need of work.

  1. You are generally not thinking about yourself and do not analyze yourself.

  2. You feel good most of the time. When you feel bad, it doesn't last long. You are resilient in the face of diversity.

  3. You smile a lot. You have positive belief systems about your self, your family and society as a whole.

  4. You have lots of energy. You are able to
  5. accomplish most of your goals.

  6. You are friendly. You enjoy meeting and being with others.

  7. You draw people to you. You make long-term friendships.

  8. You look others in the eye. You are trustworthy and able to be intimate and affectionate.

  9. You take risks. You are independent and autonomous.

  10. You have positive effects. You have behavioral and academic success in school.

  11. Things others cannot observe include: You talk to yourself positively, tell the truth, keep your word, are grateful to be alive, forgive yourself and others. You are empathetic, compassionate and you have a conscience.

The above actions, decisions about yourself, and beliefs can be started and adopted at any time. They take life long practice and anyone can do them. A decision must be made, and then practice must begin. All of us make mistakes but being willing to forgive ourselves enables us to forgive others.

  1. You think about yourself a lot and analyze why you are the way you are.

  2. You are stressful and fearful of adversity. You may be alienated from and in opposition with parents, caregivers and authority figures in general.

  3. You do not smile easily. You may have a negative, hopeless view of yourself, your family and society.

  4. You are tired a lot. You may be unwilling or unable to set and achieve your goals.

  5. You stay to yourself. You prefer being alone to meeting new people or being with others.

  6. You keep people away. You have trouble making and keeping friends.

  7. You avoid looking into the eyes of others. You have difficulty with genuine trust, intimacy and affection.

  8. You refuse to take risks. You are needy and may have a tendency to cling or to fake independence.

  9. You create negative effects. And in extreme cases you can be antisocial and perhaps violent.

  10. Things others cannot observe include: You talk to yourself negatively, you do not tell the truth or keep your word, you do not forgive yourself or others. You may lack empathy, compassion and remorse.

Raising ones self-esteem takes changes in behavior. Behavior will change with practice and intention. Self-esteem is an achievement--a process that empowers, energizes and motivates. It is not something that we have, but the experience of things that we do. Self-esteem is the experience of being capable of meeting life's challenges and being worthy of happiness."

Unfortunately I can relate to more of the lower self esteem items than I care to admit. Maybe a few of the positive from time to time, but I really can relate to some. I don't smile easily. I always wished I had one of those laughs that were contagious, but I rarely laugh out loud. If I think something is funny I will maybe smile and let out a small chuckle but it takes a good pin down tickle torture to really get me laughing. I AM tired alot. I love to stay home and do nothing as opposed to going to social events, I have a hard time making friends, I rarely take any risks, etc. I think alot of these scenarios are common with people with social anxiety disorder. The statement that has made the biggest impact on me in this article is the first one. "You are generally not thinking about yourself and do not analyze yourself." How can I ever get to that point? I am so introverted that I don't know if I can ever NOT analyze every little thing I do.

Which statements describe you?

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simon said...

well written, affectionate, and interesting blog.

if you ever get the chance, come visit me



my blog is http://nastypredator.blogspot.com (not nearly as menacing as it sounds :-) )

Aimée said...

Thanks Simon and welcome! I checked out your blog and it's really cool, is that you in the top picture?

Hope to hear from you again soon :)

Anonymous said...

That summarizes it in a nutshell.

I've found positive self-talk can boost self-esteem (and of course reduce anxiety and depression).

However, sometimes herbs and supplements can jumpstart postive feeling, at least in my opinion.

I'm currently experimenting with finding the best anxiety solutions and have found the following blog to be helpful: http://the-overcoming-anxiety-blog.blogspot.com

Check it out!!!

Anonymous said...

i don't agree with the last statement about lacking empathy and compassion, if anything my anxiety and depression over the years have given me more understanding of other people's problems and society's problems.When you've suffered from mental illness for long enough your eyes are opened to just how much pain there is and how much wrong there is in the world and unfortunately all of those happy souls are ignorant to it. i know plenty of happy people who scoff at anybody who's mentally ill and just reckon they're wimps or idiots it sickens me. Most of society are like children with their ignorance of mental health, in my experience most of these people with high self esteem are the ones who lack compassion and empathy, but i realise we are all ignorant to alot of things and most people who've never had mental illness don't even accept that it exists which makes the battle to overcome it even harder. I know that people who suffer from anxiety disorders in particular usually have them because they are very sensitive, very caring, thoughtful worriers that have empathy and compassion in absolute abundance, whom ever wrote that last statement has no idea what real low self esteem is.

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