Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Lessons Learned: Patience and Determination

photo by cahrleskames

The last few days I have been so busy that I haven’t had time to write. Last night I was trying to think of what I should blog about and couldn’t think of any “Ah ha!” moments that I have had recently or any major struggles that I haven’t already blogged about. Sure I have had a few instances where I was anxious but they never elevated to anything past a 2. So I started to think about how nice it is to have these few days of solitude, where even though work is getting busier and more stressful, my mind and body are cooperating with me. So I am counting my blessings for the time being.

Last night I was reading from The Book of Mormon and I read this: “Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren… and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.” –Alma 26: 27

It struck me how important that direction was for me in my life. Sometimes it can be so frustrating and exhausting to constantly be worrying or thinking about anxiety and I just want to give up and say, “Well I tried. I guess this is my lot in life and I should just accept my fate.” Or I struggle with “When”. “When will I get over this? When will I not be afraid? When can I be considered cured?” But if there is any lesson to be learned in all of this it is patience. And if I can be patient with my struggles and hurdles, eventually Heavenly Father will give me the success that I so desperately want in my life. He knows better than I do my needs and He will see that I learn whatever it is I need to learn along the way.

Because I am in a good state of mind lately it’s easy to say to myself "Just be patient." I’m sure if this was a bad day I wouldn’t appreciate the response to my When questions very much. So I am thankful for the timing of this lesson and I hope that when things aren’t so easy that I can recall this blog and maybe it will give me some strength to keep fighting, keep learning, and keep trying. Never Give Up.


Anonymous said...

I've recently been given the link to your page by your sister, since a few of us were discussing our anxiety issues on a special page of cuteoverload.com. I've read through most of it and see you struggling through things I've been through myself - the weight, the feeling of being watched and judged, that terrible feeling in the morning that nothing can go right. It took some time, and lots of experiementing with medications, but I've finally settled into a semblance of normality. I currently take Wellbutrin and Clonazepam, but for me it's something I have to take everyday whereas I think you mentioned only taking it occasionally along with Zoloft. If you're still having almost daily attacks, have you considered asking your doctor about a dosage change or another medicine that might suit you better? I'm suprised the Zoloft hasn't helped you gain weight. For me it took me from 100 pounds to almost 160, but I was on a very high dosage. Unfortunately, it also made me feel like a zombie, but everyone reacts differently to medication. After trying several others I found the combination that works for me (Wellbutrin & Clonazepam), and I stay around 130. Of course there's always a down side, it took so many tries to find the right combination that I was miserable for quite a while, but I'm glad I stuck it out so I can function at least somewhere close to what is normal. I haven't had a true panic attack in at least a year, and my anxiety attacks are mild when they do occur. I hope if you have any questions you'll feel free to ask me. I'd love to be able to help you through this. My private email is brinnann01@netzero.net if you prefer that.

Aimée said...

Thanks for the comment Brinn! Luckily I am no longer having daily panic attacks. The last real attack I had where I was throwing up and totally out of control was probably around the first few weeks of May. Since then I had extreme anxiety daily but never to the point where I lost control. I wasn't taking my medication because I was thinking it was a band aid and I didn't want to be dependent on it. My therapist has since talked to me about how some people are just hard wired differently and they need it. If someone is diabetic, they need insulin and everyone knows thats what they need to be able to function. I need medication in the same way and I shouldn't think of it as a crutch or band aid. So I started taking my Zoloft again on a daily basis since the end of May. It takes a few weeks to get into your system and I think I am finally starting to reap the benefits of taking it. My anxiety lately has been manageable. Its a little too soon to tell if the dosage is right or wrong I think. I will keep it in my however, and look into Wellbutrin. I wish the Zoloft helped me gain weight! I am glad you found the right combination for you and you are in a good place right now. I think the Zoloft brings my overall level of anxiety down, but it still can raise if I put myself in a fearful situation for me and then I have to rely on other coping strategies. Do you still panic a little in your trigger situations or does your medication help you control that as well?

Anonymous said...

The Wellbutrin may not help your anxiety much; for me it's more for my depression. But the Clonazepam on a daily basis keeps it in my system so I won't need what my doctor calls a "band aid drug," like Xanex is for people, where you pop one when you feel freaked out (especially since that used to be constant). Every now and then a trigger will get me, but it's rarely above what you would consider probably a 3. I often had 7+ before everything evened out. When the little ones do hit, I've taught myself to rationalize through them so it doesn't usually last more than an hour, and they usually happen at night when I'm alone. I developed this method because the doctor explained my attacks were often from irrational thought patterns.

Anonymous said...

By the way, your pictures are beautiful! And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Unknown said...

Hi Brinn, Hi Aimee! Aimee, I know you are busy, but a bunch of us crazy ladies hang out over at Cuteoverload to blow off steam and chill. Brinn is one of my peeps over there. We are mostly batty cat ladies, but your dogs are so incredibly cute, I bet everyone would love them. Here is the link if you wanna come play with us sometime:
What you need to do is go down the menu on the left, and under More, more, more! There is a link to the Official CO Off-topic discussion of Absolutely Unrelated Everything. Click on it. You will see a huge kitty. His name is Buddy:) Scroll all the way down to the bottom and try to pick up what we're talking about. It takes a long time to load sometimes. We kind of hide out there and talk about mostly our pets, and sometimes gardening and the weather. It is very fun and low key. Come over and play if you can! Love you, Krista

Unknown said...

And I love that scripture-When you read the Book of Mormon, it is always like, when did they put that in there!?!

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