Sunday, May 27, 2007

My Healthy, My Happy

Lately as my anxiety has been more constant and longer lasting, and I have been miserable. I've been so worried about losing weight with my loss of appetite and so consumed with the pressure of having to eat, that just the thought or sight of food was making me want to retaliate and run away. So today I took a long look at what I am doing to make things so bad. I realized that I am simply putting too much pressure on myself all for the sake of other people knowing that I am gaining weight. So I took a long walk and thought about my priorities. Its not worth it to me to gain 50 pounds if I am miserable everyday. I wonder why I am such a people pleaser. So I am releasing my pressure that I have placed on myself to please everyone else and doing something so out of the norm. I am going to eat what I want, when I want and not care what anyone thinks about it. My fear isn't food, but being judged by others. But its my life, my body, and when I am good and ready I will take steps at my own pace, because I want to for me, and not for everyone else. I want to be healthy, and I will be. But I want to be happy too. It is a very refreshing feeling. The hardest part is going to be not caring what others think of me. But you know, as soon as I started wrapping this blog up, I suddenly got hungry.

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