Risking Medicinal Side Effects is Like Licking the Hand of Someone With the Flu

Would you willingly lick the hand of someone who has the flu? I feel like I just did.

I went to my new doctor today. Turns out I have lost about ten pounds in the last few weeks from all this stress. (Not the kind of diet I would recommend to anyone) I gave him my history of anxiety. He was really great about what my interests were concerning my well being and how he could help me. He made me aware of other alternatives besides medication such as counseling but also informed me all about the different kinds of medications I could take. We decided to stick with the Zoloft and the Clonazepam because it has worked well for me in the past. My only concern with Zoloft a.k.a. Sertraline is the side effects. So to help reduce the chance of getting the them we decided I would take only half a pill a day for the first week to better ease it into my system.I do think I will take another look at counseling, as long as the therapist specializes in anxiety and as long as we a.k.a. insurance can afford it.

So, I just took my first half pill of Zoloft a few minutes ago, and I am so worried about the side effects of (just to name a few)

• nausea
• dizziness
• diarhea
• upset stomach
• trouble sleeping

happening to me like some of them did last time. Knowing that I could spend the next week more sick than I already am, I still took that pill. L-I-C-K!

I did it because I am hopeful that it will really help me in the long run when it finally kicks in.

----------------------------------------Middle of the Night------------------------------------------------------

Woke up with a panic attack around 3 am. Very unusual for me. So I took a clonazepam and didn't really feel any better so I took another one an hour later (they are only .25mg each) I finally fell back asleep but woke up around 7 still panicking so I took another one. Hard to function this morning but its my daughter's first day of preschool so I had to get up and at'em. I am hoping as the afternoon wears on I will start to feel more normal but last night/early morning is really rough. Cant hold anything down to eat so I feel really weak and tired and lightheaded. I am going to go to the store to pick up some Ensures because they always help me in times like this.

I just keep telling myself just endure it a little bit longer and things will get better soon. I appreciate all of your warm thoughts, prayers, and well wishes my way. I can't count the number of times I have prayed for all of you to find some peace in your lives.

Take Care of Yourselves,

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A Hard Pill to Swallow, Is Medication Right for You?

A few weeks ago when my anxiety flared up after two years of silence, I was able to get it to calm down after a few days. However since then it has been popping up again and again. A panic attack while out at lunch with my sisters, and now I have the morning anxiety again the last two days in a row.

Although I don't usually post horrible pictures of myself up for viewing, I thought this was an exception because even though I am smiling for the camera, I am sick as a dog and feeling like I am going to lose it any second. The anxiety just hit me super hard and it took leaving the restaurant for it to finally go away.

This has me contemplating going back on medication. Are you trying to decide if medication is right for you?

According to the book The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques by Margaret Wehrengerg, "if you can answer "yes" to any of the following questions, you may be helped by medication.

• Are you having panic attacks a few times a week or more? My experience with people who have panic disorder leads me to think that if people are having attacks that frequently, they might benefit from medication. Their brains may be so agitated that it will take some time to calm the panic. It may thus be too discouraging to get their thoughts and behavior in control without the help of medication.
• Are you able to push aside ruminating worry when you have something important to concentrate on but find yourself worrying again the minute you have nothing to focus on? You may do okay without medication, but if it is a huge effort or you cannot draw your attention away from worry even for short times, medications are in order.
• Do you feel sick to your stomach with dread much of the time and find it interferes with eating and sleeping? If so, you will probably respond better to anxiety management techniques with the help of medication, because this level of distress should be interrupted as quickly as possible. Having an agitated brain without relief is not good for your emotional or physical self.
• Do you immediately flush, have shaky legs, a quivering voice, and a palpitating heart even at the thought that someone might watch you leave a theater, watch you speak up at a business meeting, or observe you ordering food or eating in a restaurant? You might benefit from using medication on an as-needed basis while trying techniques to get over those signs of social anxiety.
• Do you feel so terrified of attending a party or being in a busy public place like a shopping mall, airport, or school that you refuse to go? You will probably benefit the most from a combination of medication and treatment methods, because this is about the most difficult situation in which to calm yourself. Medication will allow you to focus on using new anxiety controlling skills and social skills that will help you in your interactions with others."

Because I am answering yes to almost every single one of these, I have decided that I am going to go back on Zoloft. I know some of you may think that's a mistake, but I know my body and my mind and now that I am no longer nursing I think I need the additional help to make my days feel more normal. I am tired of feeling sick and scared all the time. Because of the side effects I felt the last time I got on Zoloft, I am not sure when I should actually start taking it. I have the weekend to figure it out since it won't be until Monday before I can even see the doctor. I hope this helps you to figure out what is best for you in your situation. As always, your doctor can probably give you the best advice.

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Gravity

Oh this song couldn't describe anxiety any better, it just hit home today...



Here is the same song including a dance that I had seen before when it first came out. The dance is about addiction, but I think the mean guy representing addiction can still be representing anxiety. When I watched it thinking of it that way it brought me to tears. I love Mia Michaels coreography.

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Dealing With Unexpected Anxiety Setbacks

It's been at least a year and a half since I have had a panic attack. But sure enough, Thursday night I had 2 panic attacks and then generalized anxiety ever since. I believe it was brought on due to the fact that I weaned my baby from nursing last week and my daughter's 3rd birthday party was on Saturday. The combination of my whacked out hormones and a huge stressor was more than I could take.

I've noticed a pattern to how I deal with these sudden anxiety outbreaks. I think I get a little better each time at dealing with them so I thought I would share my process (both the good and bad) with you. Hopefully you can adjust as needed for your situation.

1. The first thing I do is freak out. (This area needs improvement lol). After the panic attacks happened, my mind was racing worried about the impact this would have on the next few days and I was a little out of control. I cried alot and my stomach cramped all night and I couldn't sleep.
2. The next thing I do is mourn. I mourn for the loss of my anxiety free days. I have my internal pity parties, why me moments, and laying around feeling sick and sorry for myself. This is what I did all morning on Friday. In the past this mourning period has lasted much longer. It could drag on for a week. So just one morning is improvement for me. Maybe someday I will be able to skip this step altogether.
3. Then I finally realize I need to change my attitude and get to a better place. On Friday afternoon I went to the Reality of Anxiety site and read the following blog posts to get me pumped:
• Even More About Morning Anxiety: It's All About Your Attitude
• Need a Little Faith and Motivation? 
4. On Saturday morning I implemented the coping strategies in those posts and others I have learned over time. I did a lot of abdominal breathing, I repeated positive affirmations (ex: This may be hard but I can handle it) over and over again, I asked my spouse for a lot of love and support and got lots of hugs and kisses and I listened to my body and ate when I could. Sunday I made sure to have a destress day where I lounged around in comfy clothes and then today I did some yoga and tried to get back to my normal routine.

After the birthday party I felt alot better simply because the stress was over, but Sunday and this morning I still had lingering morning anxiety. I've continued to tell myself it isn't a big deal and it has been going away much quicker. I am hopeful it will be gone completely in the next few days. And if its not, I will reassess if I need additional help like medication.

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The Daily Postmortem of Social Interactions

When I worked in the software industry, after every release we would sit down and have what we called a "post mortem." This is where we would talk about everything that went well in the release, everything that needed improvement, and what we would no longer do anymore. Seems like a good idea.

I seem to have my own daily post mortem. I can't avoid it. After every phone call, text message, face to face encounter, or facebook post, I find myself reliving everything I said and did. I can't stop thinking and worrying, "I hope that comment didn't offend them." or "Why did I say/do that? That was really stupid." Do you ever find yourself doing that? Is it more often than you feel is normal? I seem to do it every day and I am noticing that I am really lacking self confidence to spend so much time worrying about offending others or not coming off as best as I could have. Its to the point where I feel like everyone must really hate me. Sigh.

There are so many layers to anxiety its like an onion. You can pull away the daily panic attacks or generalized anxiety and you still have so many underlying issues to deal with. Will I ever be okay with who I am right now? 

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Thinking about starting a Local Support Group

I get alot of emails from readers asking questions about certain aspects of their anxiety. I feel like I write novel length replies sometimes. Its like texting, sometimes its just easier to call the person instead of typing everything out.

This morning the idea struck me to start a local support group. Something where we can just get together to talk about how we are dealing with our anxiety, a place to find friends that share the same problems and offer support to each other.

Here are a few benefits of support group memberships:

Members become part of a collective voice.
The group is non-judgemental. This creates a safe environment for members to disclose their problems.

Members become more informed

Builds confidence for coping. Being able to discuss their circumstances enables members to look at how they cope, think about the advantages and disadvantages associated and adapt their coping strategies.

Development of skills.

Improved communication

I've done a little research and have only found one local support group in Provo, Utah which for me is a good 45 minutes away. So I am thinking about starting one in the Salt Lake area. Although from what I have read they say its good to get a few people interested in starting one to form a little team as opposed to doing it on your own.

So two questions- if you live in the Salt Lake City Utah area, is this something you would be interested in attending, and if so, is this something you would want to help out with starting?

Just testing the waters...

If you would like to contact me as opposed to leaving a comment, you can email me here.

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Are you a Perfectionist or Healthy Striver?

Being a stay at home mom of a baby and preschooler with a husband that travels a lot, I feel that everyday is a real challenge. The simplest thing like going to the store is such a production. This last week I had several appointments during the week where I had to arrange for babysitters or drag the kiddos along with me. On one hand I am proud that I am getting out and dealing with the kids too, but on the other hand, its so stressful for me that I feel like I am frazzled all the time.

I feel like expectations for me are high and that I don't get any slack. At night I lay down and I am so high strung that I have to take time to wind my thoughts down. My body feels tense all the time. I feel like I am going to lose it any minute and just start bawling. I know I need to strike a better balance of relaxation, but its not easy getting to the gym or doing yoga when my two year old thinks its time to climb on me like a play gym.

Sigh. Ok, done venting.

In all reality, I know the only one not giving me any slack is myself. I have a hard time allowing myself to struggle. I often feel like I should have it together by now and I am disappointed in myself for not being perfect. I am a perfectionist, which isn't a healthy pursuit of excellence. The University of Texas at Austin Counseling and Mental Health Center says,

"There are big differences between perfectionists and healthy achievers. Perfectionists believe that mistakes must never be made and that the highest standards of performance must always be achieved. Those who strive for excellence in a healthy way take genuine pleasure in trying to meet high standards. Perfectionists on the other hand are full of self-doubts and fears of disapproval, ridicule and rejection. The healthy striver has drive, while the perfectionist is driven."

Ever wonder if you are a perfectionist vs. someone who is a healthy striver?

 Perfectionist versus Healthy Striver

Perfectionist	Healthy Striver
Sets standards beyond reach and reason	Sets high standards, but just beyond reach
Is never satisfied by anything less than perfection	Enjoys process as well as outcome
Becomes dysfunctionally depressed when experiences failure and disappointment	Bounces back from failure and disappointment quickly and with energy
Is preoccupied with fear of failure and disapproval––this can deplete energy levels	Keeps normal anxiety and fear of failure and disapproval within bounds––uses them to create energy
Sees mistakes as evidence of unworthiness	Sees mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning
Becomes overly defensive when criticized	Reacts positively to helpful criticism

A couple coping strategies to help with perfectionism that I thought the most helpful are:

Increase your awareness of the self-critical nature of your all-or-nothing thoughts, and how they extend to other people in your life.
Learn to substitute more realistic, reasonable thoughts for your habitually critical ones. When you find yourself berating a less-than-perfect performance, whether your own or someone else's, force yourself to look at and acknowledge the good parts of that performance. Then ask yourself questions like these: Is it really as bad as I feel it is? How do other people see it? Is it a reasonably good performance for the person(s) and circumstances involved?

Be realistic about what you can do.
By setting more realistic goals, you will gradually realize that "imperfect" results do not lead to the punitive consequences you expect and fear. Suppose you swim laps every day, not as athletic training, but for relaxation and exercise. You set yourself the goal of 20 laps, and you can barely swim 15. If you are perfectionistic, you soon feel disappointed at your poor performance and anxious about improving it. You may even give up swimming because you're not "good enough."
Suppose that instead you tell yourself 15 laps is good enough for now. You accept the possibility that you may never be able to swim 20 laps easily, if at all. So you continue swimming without anxiety. You don't necessarily stop trying to improve, but you swim for fun and exercise and relaxation-for however many laps you can. Perfectionists often miss out on fun, relaxation and satisfaction.

 

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