Thursday, May 14, 2009

Need a Little Faith and Motivation?

This time around on the anxiety rollercoaster, I feel that my spirits are down for the count. I don't feel that determination to fight the battle, but more like I am just chuggin along trying my best to deal with it all. I think this is due to the fact that my hormones are about as far out of whack as they can get these days. Whats happening is in the morning hours when the anxiety is the worst, some pretty scary thoughts enter my head that I can't ignore. Things like, "What if I can't get better and they take me away for losing my mind and I lose my family". Then as morning turns to midday and afternoon and I slowly become myself again, I realize the nonsense of those fears and how I will overcome this again, it will just take some time. But those early morning hours can be scary. I am not myself and my mind is on overdrive.

So I perused the blog under the Motivation label and found a few things that I wrote about a long time ago that were really helpful to hear again today.

First off, a really great quote:

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

--Brian Tracy
And then something from a previous post from almost two years ago that was exactly what I needed to hear today,

"Last night I was reading from The Book of Mormon and I read this: “Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren… and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.” –Alma 26: 27

It struck me how important that direction was for me in my life. Sometimes it can be so frustrating and exhausting to constantly be worrying or thinking about anxiety and I just want to give up and say, “Well I tried. I guess this is my lot in life and I should just accept my fate.” Or I struggle with “When”. “When will I get over this? When will I not be afraid? When can I be considered cured?” But if there is any lesson to be learned in all of this it is patience. And if I can be patient with my struggles and hurdles, eventually Heavenly Father will give me the success that I so desperately want in my life. He knows better than I do my needs and He will see that I learn whatever it is I need to learn along the way."

So today was a reminder that I don't have to be all better today or tomorrow. I don't have to put that pressure on myself. It was a reminder that the pity parties don't do any good and I need to stop acting like a victim and change my attitude about how I am going to battle this. I need to be patient with the side effects and not let them get the better of me.

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Sarah♥ said...

I think you're handling this really well. I would love to have half your strength and determination.


Sandra said...

Thank you so much for blogging all of this. I am so excited to see these posts in my inbox every day. I can relate to what you are going through right now. Your experience is almost a mirror image of my own. Morning anxiety, vomiting, medication issues.... It just seems like one thing after another. We just wanna get back to ourselves already :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your struggles with anxiety. We're all in this together and it really strengthens me to hear of your struggles and triumphs in this journey. I love the story of David found in I Samuel 30.

One day he and his warriors came home and discovered that their village was gone. Ziklag had been sacked, their wives and children carried off. David and the people with him raised their voices and wept "until they had no more strength to weep." Have you ever wept like that? Wept until your body was so exhausted from weeping that you didn't have the energy to cry? David understood tears like that! That sounds bad enough, but for David things could still get worse. His men's grief turned to anger and their anger was turned toward David (talk about an anxiety episode.) Then the people spoke of stoning him. Then comes one of the great statements in Scripture: "But David strenghtened himself in the LORD his God." This has been a great secret of my spiritual life. When every other resource was gone, when every prop was kicked out from under him and every crutch taken away, when he reached the point of utter failure, David encouraged himself in the Lord.

How does this happen? How do people living in a cave of fear find the strength to venture out? The starting point in dealing with anxiety is to honestly face and name our fear. This is where David starts (Psalm 142).

This is one of my favorite stories. I shows David during his time of failure, fear and shame and how he stregthened him self in his God.

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