A Few Good Stress Busters

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Stress can be a killer, and I mean this literally. A stressful life leads to diseases like diabetes, strokes and cardiac arrests that could be fatal. All of us experience some level of stress at some time or the other, and the best way to deal with it temporarily is to take deep breaths and let the tension seep out of our bodies. The longer we brood, the more stressed we become, and this leads to headaches in the short run and other ills in the long. In order to avoid stress from ruling and thus ruining your life, make these simple tips a way of life:

· Holidays Help: If work is becoming too demanding and your senses cannot keep up, you’re going to end up being stressed day after day, no matter how well you sleep or how healthy you eat. The best antidote to this kind of stress is to take some time off and go on a well-earned vacation with a loved one or your family. You’ll feel refreshed and ready to face the daily grind once you’re back.

· Meditation Matters: Some people find that a few minutes of silence (or melodious music in the background) and thoughts of nothingness are good to rid your mind of the tension that swirls through your brain. This technique works well both immediately (when you feel the stress coming on) and as a daily relaxation routine (to unwind at the end of the day).

· Nature Nurtures: Beautiful sights and scenic pictures calm some people down, so take a walk in the park or admire the sunset on the beach when you’re stressed. Nature is both bountiful and beautiful and thus the perfect stress buster.

· Talking Tells: Call or meet a friend and pour your heart out. Sometimes, just talking about your troubles makes your heart seem lighter and serves to put the verve back in your step. A problem shared is a problem halved while a joy shared is one that’s doubled – that’s the beauty of friendship.

· Favorite Fun: Do what you like – it could be anything in the whole wide world, as long as it’s something you love. Do it each time you’re stressed or on a regular basis to prevent stress from getting to you. Either way, it’s quality time just for yourself.

· Workout Wonders: Exercise helps keep both your body and mind healthy. A good workout, a session of yoga or Tai Chi, or a game of a sport that you enjoy release feel-good endorphins in your brain that relax and rejuvenate your worn-out and stressed mind.

The key to a happy and peaceful life is to get the better of stress before it gets the better of you.

This article is contributed by Sarah Scrafford. She invites your questions, comments and freelancing job inquiries at her email address: sarah.scrafford25@gmail.com.

This Thanksgiving has kind of already passed me by. I don't have any special plans and in fact I am more excited for Christmas. Thanksgiving is one of my least favorite holidays, understandably so because it involves the expectation of engorging yourself with food and so many panic attacks accompany me at this time of year. But I would be ungrateful if I didn't give thanks this year for all of my many blessings so get ready for the cheesiest post you'll ever read from me.

I am so grateful for my beautiful new little family. The little baby that has made my life take on new meaning is priceless. She warms my heart every day with her innocence and her big personality.I am grateful for my extended family, family far from home, and friends. I am grateful for people that love me unconditionally no matter how many panic attacks I may get and how anxious I may appear.

I am grateful for my dogs even though they have had a hard time adjusting to the new changes in our house and have been acting out- even sweet innocent Wiggum has gotten pretty naughty lately!

I am grateful for the gospel in my life and the peace and comfort that it brings to my soul.

I am grateful for our home, our jobs, our cars, and all of the things that make life so comfy cozy in this time of uncertainty.

I am grateful for big plush blankets!

I am grateful for good health and wish that I had it! Can't wait for this cold to go away so I can have my energy back.

I am grateful for ways to express ourselves creatively with hobbies such as blogging, scrapbooking, photography, music, etc. that help to lift our self esteem.

I am grateful for fresh start mornings and clean slates. Everything can go to pot one day, you can stumble and fall down, but then the sun rises and you get a whole new day to try again.

I am grateful for showers and jetted tubs.

I am grateful for 2% milk and I know I can't live my life without it!

I am grateful for knowing that I can make a difference in my own life. I know that my attitude effects my happiness and I can always strive to be better.

I am grateful for this blog and all the people that have blessed my life because of it. I hope that I have been able to help others as that is my goal.

Anybody want to add to the list? What are you grateful for this season?

What Have You Done Today, to Make You Feel Proud?

photo by gio50000

Last night was one of those awful nights where I am dreaming of being rejected all night long. I am not good enough to be around the people I want to be with and no one likes me, I’m a social outcast etc. I woke up feeling exhausted and sad. It’s amazing how much something that isn’t real can affect your attitude so much. As the day continued that “I’m not good enough” feeling lingered and generally had me in a bad mood. So I think to myself, “I need to do something for me, for my self esteem.” So I started to think about what I do that makes me feel good about myself. I thought, I haven’t exercised for about a week, and I always feel better after doing yoga or a cardio workout.

I don’t know why but I really like The Biggest Loser TV show, I guess it motivates me to try to live a healthier lifestyle. The theme song says, “What have you done today, to make you feel proud?” I was thinking about that question and thought, “What a good thing to ask yourself everyday. It could be something little like, eating an apple instead of the chocolate ice cream, or cooking a home cooked meal instead of eating fast food, or exploring your creativity and enhancing your talents. Anytime you feel proud about yourself, you have great self esteem. So I want to do something everyday that will help boost my self esteem. Now although I am not in the race to lose 100 pounds like the people on The Biggest Loser, I don’t like my post baby body and would like to flatten and tone some things out.

So then I started to wonder about anxiety and obesity, and if there was any connection. Sure enough, “the results of an NIMH-funded study show that nearly one out of four cases of obesity is associated with a mood or anxiety disorder , but the causal relationship and complex interplay between the two is still unclear. The study is based on data compiled from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication, a nationally representative, face-to-face household survey of 9,282 U.S. adults, conducted in 2001-2003. It was published in the July 3, 2006, issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry.” - MedicineNet.com

When I do a workout with the help of a tivo’d episode on the fitness channel, the instructor’s are always saying, “Don’t give up, you deserve this, you are worth it!”

So to sum up all this babbling, I think it goes to say that exercising isn’t just good for our bodies, but its good for our minds as well. Our self esteem is so important in the role of anxiety and if exercising raises our self esteem I can only assume that would lead to a decrease in anxiety and depression.

Ever Thought about Therapy by Phone?

photo by Leo Reynolds
Have you ever wanted to talk to someone but talking in person seems really uncomfortable? Have you ever considered doing it over the phone instead?

Today psychotherapist and educator Tim Desmond from Coherence Counseling shares an experience of what you can expect from phone counseling.

Here is a case history from a recent client.

Grace, a nurse living in Oakland, CA, began our first therapy session saying she wanted to feel less anxious. I asked her to tell me about a recent example of her anxiety, and she told me about the previous night. Her husband was watching a movie and asked if she wanted to join him. She did, but complained the entire time about how much work she was not getting done. She told me that whenever she tries to take a break from work, she constantly feels anxious and is unable to enjoy herself. It had gotten to the point that it was beginning to create problems in her marriage, and she and her husband had begun to fight about her need to relax.

Curious about how her anxiety made sense, I asked her to imagine herself in the scene from last night and to let me know when she was there. After a few seconds, I asked her if she was feeling her anxiety. She told me that she was and I asked her to describe how it felt in her body. She said, "It's like a hot, burning sensation in my chest. I hate how it feels." I asked her to stay with that feeling for now, and really allow it to be present. Then I asked her to try something that might feel a little strange. I said, "Now ask that feeling -- that burning sensation in your chest -- what it's job is. Try saying something like 'What is your job?' or 'How do you help me?' and then just listen for an answer." She was willing to try and paused for a minute or so. She finally said, "All I'm getting is 'I keep you from slacking off.'"

At this point, I wondered how not "slacking off" was worth the price of feeling so anxious and uncomfortable. I told her that I would give her the beginning of a sentence and ask her to let it finish itself without pre-thinking the ending. The sentence-stem was, "It is so important not to slack off because..." and she quickly said "It is so important not to slack off because my whole f***ing family are a bunch of slack offs." We repeated this process a few more times as it became increasingly clear how important it was for her to be different than her family.

She told me about her family's history of drug and alcohol problems and how embarrassed she felt growing up with them. I now felt like I was starting to understand. I asked her to try saying, "My anxiety is what keeps me from ending up being a slack off like my family. That is more important than anything, including being able to enjoy myself." She repeated it back and said it felt true. We spent the rest of the session looking at this new discovery from different angles and phrasing it in different ways. We finally wrote "I refused to end up like my family, and I need my anxiety to keep that from happening."on an index card for her to read a few times a day.

I asked her to call if she needed another session. When she called a few months later wanting to do a couples session, she told me that she now felt entirely in control of her anxiety. It would still come up from time to time, but she would know what it was about. She said she would just recognize how different she is than her family and that would make her feel much better.

Worrying is a Wasteful Use of Energy

It’s interesting how many times the anticipatory anxiety is worse then whatever event I am worrying about. Of course the baby blessing and family BBQ were just fine. The baby slept through the whole thing and was a delight afterward. The food was yummy and we had a great time. I was able to manage any little bits of anxiety that arose. The worst was beforehand when I couldn’t stop thinking about all the What ifs!

Do you consider yourself a worrywart? I know I am. If you are then you might be plagued by "The Worrier" as well. Any fears that we can write down that start with "What if..." is a horrible waste of our time and energy. However its probably what effects me the most. I am always worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. And how many times like the example above do I need to show myself that they are empty, worthless thoughts. They rarely come to pass and in the mean time all I have done is added a few more wrinkles and grey hairs.

Imagine all that you or I could accomplish if we could channel all the time and energy we use worrying into something positive. Easier said than done, but still an interesting thought.

Why Must We Strive for Perfection?

Today is my daughter's baby blessing. I have been nervous about today for a long time, and this morning my anxiety level is really high. I haven't felt this anxious in a really long time. I finally felt things slipping out from my control and so I am forcing myself to write things out to help calm me down. So many things could go wrong today, granted they are all little and not a big deal but I have this huge desire for everything to be perfect. I am hoping things are somewhat organized but forgive me if I babble. Things that are bothering me:

What if we are late to church in the first place?
What if she cries through the whole blessing?
What if she poops all over her pretty dress before we even make it in the doors?
What if she doesn't eat enough before hand and is hungry and won't stop crying?
What if its not perfect?

I thought these thing through thinking, what if all of the above happened, whats the big deal? Why am I so worried? And then it hit me. Deep down inside I am telling myself that if any of these things happen, I am a bad Mother. And then I realized a whole new role had opened up in my life for people to judge me and me to worry about.

As if to prove a point that things weren't going to go right, when I woke up yesterday my Little One had scratched all across her nose with her fingernails leaving a long, first-thing-you-see-when-you-look-at-her, scratch mark. Luckily I am familiar enough with Photoshop to be able to remove it from pictures, but it still seemed like the mark represented a failure. "If I was better at keeping her nails short, this wouldn't have happened." "If only I was a better mother," is what I was telling myself. How mean I am to myself. I know I am not a bad mother, but subconsciously I am thinking this over and over again. I want so badly for everyone to think I have everything under control. So I had to tell myself over and over again that I am a good mother. Replacing the negative thoughts with a positive one seemed to help calm me down a little.

So here goes. Taking deep breaths. We have to leave in about an hour and a half. I haven't even grazed on the fact that all of the family is coming over to our house for a BBQ afterward and the anxiety that I will most likely feel there. I will update this afterward to let you know if and how I handle any panic attacks.

Pretty Good Reason for my Absence

I want to apologize for being MIA the last couple months, but I think I have a pretty good reason for it. My little girl was born on July 14th and my life has been turned topsy-turvy upside down ever since. I am sorry I haven't been replying to emails like I usually do or posting. I think that now things are starting to settle down as I start to get the hang of being a parent and hopefully I can get back into the blogging swing of things. For those that are interested she was 7 lbs. even and 18.5 inches long.


I was really worried before she came how my anxiety would be after the birth when my hormones were all out of it. Honestly the very day she was born I remember feeling extremely anxious about eating the hospital food, especially with all the guests around. But I made it through without any panic attacks and I haven't had too many issues since then. I guess nursing probably helps my appetite.

A new anxiety has snuck into my life. Anytime I need to leave the house with her I get this twinge of nervousness like something bad will happen if we go. I have no clue why it bothers me but it does. I have tried to ignore it and I go out anyway because I know its important to not give into the fear. Its been easier the more I do it, but the first few times were kinda nerve racking. I will sit in the back seat with her if I am not alone, but if I am driving I am worried she will spit up and choke on it and I won't know or I will be unprepared to handle some eating/pooping/crying catastrophe wherever we are off to. I am sure this is somewhat normal, right? I am also anxious when other people are holding her. I just worry for some reason even though there is no reason to. Any other new parents experience the same thing? So now I am waiting for a sense of normalcy to return to my life. I start work next week and that is going to introduce a whole new set of problems to worry about! I am going to attempt to work from home and take care of her at the same time. So my plate will be pretty full.

So again, I apologize for not being around, and I will try to get to everyone's unanswered questions and emails in the very near future. I hope everyone is doing well!