National Love Your Body Day

Today is National Love Your Body Day. According to this website 80% of Women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance. The first day was celebrated back in Sept. 25, 1998.

So this morning I got up and did the works to celebrate today. Shower, shaving, tweezing, bleaching, styling, etc. I was thinking about what I would mention and realized that I had it all backwards. I was trying to be beautiful instead of already thinking I was. I think the most important thing is to realize is that today is a day to love your body NOW, the way it already looks. Its not a day to say, “because I love my body I am going to start that diet..." It's where you appreciate what you already have and celebrate YOU!

Dove has been doing a campaign for a long time on celebrating "real" beauty as opposed to what society tells us is beauty. Here are some of their videos. They are all short but have an awesome message.

Dove- Campaign For Real Beauty

Another video by Dove that is very interesting can be found here.

They have a ton more videos.

I recommend checking out this website for ideas on what you can do to help you "love your body"

So how will you celebrate?

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Successful Small Trip

Some of you may have noticed that I removed my last post. I apologize for the broken link to any subscribers. I had mentioned some gripes about work and accidentally left the company name in the post. A coworker found the post by googling the company name and so I thought it would be best to remove it before my company removed me!

Lets catch up. This weekend I took a trip to Vegas to watch a football game. Its tradition that we always go to the away game to Vegas and dress up like idiots for the game. Everyone stares at you and either cheers you on for being so gutsy or just stares in amazement.

This time when we went I wasn’t looking forward to it because I was worried about my anxiety flaring up and ruining the trip. Needless to say the morning of I took a little Clonozepam and it helped. When I felt anxious the next morning I just did what I wanted to do and didn’t force myself to do anything. I only ate what was comfortable. And I made it through panic attack free.

It was a fun little trip. Our team won (Go BYU!) and we had fun talking in the car. That’s one of those great things about road trips. You don’t have so many distractions and you can actually talk to each other. We talked about where we see ourselves in the future, what we want to accomplish, and even went on a tangent about if we killed someone how we would do it and how we would cover it up. So anyone reading this that knows me, if I am ever found deceased at an early age, check for poisoning!

Tomorrow is National Love Your Body Day. Sounds like a good excuse to pamper yourself to me!

World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health Day as initiated the World Federation for Mental Health and has been celebrated annually since 1992. The theme for this year is "Mental health in a changing world: the impact of culture and diversity".

"Mental health is defined as a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community.”

The culture you are surrounded in greatly determines the way in which you deal with your symptoms. However, mental health effects every country no matter where you live. According to the WHO website:

• Mental, neurological and behavioural disorders are common to all countries and cause immense suffering. People with these disorders are often subjected to social isolation, poor quality of life and increased mortality. These disorders are the cause of staggering economic and social costs.
• Hundreds of millions of people worldwide are affected by mental, behavioural, neurological and substance use disorders. For example, estimates made by WHO in 2002 showed that 154 million people globally suffer from depression and 25 million people from schizophrenia; 91 million people are affected by alcohol use disorders and 15 million by drug use disorders. A recently published WHO report shows that 50 million people suffer from epilepsy and 24 million from Alzheimer and other dementias.
• In addition to the above figures, many other disorders affect the nervous system or produce neurological sequelae. Projections based on a WHO study show that worldwide in 2005, 326 million people suffer from migraine; 61 million from cerebrovascular diseases; 18 million from neuroinfections or neurological sequelae of infections. Number of people with neurological sequelae of nutritional disorders and neuropathies (352 million) and neurological sequelae secondary to injuries (170 million) also add substantially to the above burden.
• About 877,000 people die by suicide every year.
• One in four patients visiting a health service has at least one mental, neurological or behavioural disorder but most of these disorders are neither diagnosed nor treated.
• Mental illnesses affect and are affected by chronic conditions such as cancer, heart and cardiovascular diseases, diabetes and HIV/AIDS. Untreated, they bring about unhealthy behaviour, non-compliance with prescribed medical regimens, diminished immune functioning, and poor prognosis.
• Cost-effective treatments exist for most disorders and, if correctly applied, could enable most of those affected to become functioning members of society.
• Barriers to effective treatment of mental illness include lack of recognition of the seriousness of mental illness and lack of understanding about the benefits of services. Policy makers, insurance companies, health and labour policies, and the public at large – all discriminate between physical and mental problems.
• Most middle and low-income countries devote less than 1% of their health expenditure to mental health. Consequently mental health policies, legislation, community care facilities, and treatments for people with mental illness are not given the priority they deserve.

As Dr. Deb says on her post on this topic,

“The goal of World Mental Health Day is to address stigma and to show that mental illness is neurobiological - not a scarlett letter with which to be ashamed or a weakness of someone's character. And this year's theme highlights the importance of culture and diversity among us all.”

I never heard about this until today. I am very excited to spread the word. Rather than regurgitate the entire post, I will just mention it briefly with a link. Awhile back I created a post called "Breaking the Stigma" that talks and shows some videos of some campaigns the United States and the UK are doing to help people become more aware of the support that is needed for friends and families suffering. There are links for places to donate or get more involved if interested.

I have known a few newlywed couples that have a situation where a mental illness is revealed such as depression or an eating disorder. Interestingly, the first thing the parents tell the spouse to do is to annul the marriage before they have any kids. This is shocking to me! That because you have a mental illness you are suddenly unworthy of being loved.

Any other mental health bloggers out there- I urge you to spread the word!

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Feelings of Rejection Lingering

photo by Ben Larson

I had another dream last night about being rejected. This seems to be an ongoing theme to my dreams almost every night. Usually it is being rejected by men, being back in high school and getting rejected by boys I thought were cute for example. But last night’s dream had a twist. My best friend in the dream was Sara Jessica Parker (probably because I really got into the Sex and the City series and considered the relationship the women on that show had as my ‘ideal’ kind of friendship). But at the end of the dream, she decided she didn’t want to be my friend anymore and it really hurt.

This brought me back to some real traumatic events in my youth that I was thinking about in the shower. A lot of blog post ideas come to me in the shower. I had a best friend all growing up that lived right down the street. We were the kind of friends that are inseparable, weekly sleepovers, secret clubs, dressing alike, the works. Only in eighth grade she decided to trade me in for someone else. The rejection I felt was awful. Suddenly I had no friends. Meanwhile those two girls became the most popular throughout high school. I struggled my first year in high school as many do but mainly because I really was all alone. I eventually made a friend with a fellow cheerleader. Her name was Laura. She wasn’t as pretty as me I thought and that gave me a sense of security. (aren’t girls horrible?) We became best friends and things started getting better for me. I had a boyfriend who I consider my first love. We dated off an on for several years. At one point when we were “off”, I found out that he and my “best friend” had hooked up. This too was devastating because I had no one to talk to about it. The two closest people in my life were the ones that had hurt me. This time I went into a mini depression. My grades fell and I became a bit of a recluse. I spent almost all weekends at home alone watching tv. This continued throughout my junior and senior year of high school. Eventually I reunited with this boy (what was I thinking, I know- I ended it about a year later) but I never reconciled the friendship after that day with Laura. Why was I able to forgive him and not her? Thats another question that I never understood.

Since then I have had a hard time making friendships with girls. But I try. I have a few, but none that I consider a “best” friend. I don’t know if I will ever have one again, but I would like to.

So it’s safe to say I have some issues with rejection and trust. Why I am STILL struggling with it I have no idea. I found a nice article that talks about how to get over rejection, but I don’t know if it’s really going to help me in any way. I consider myself “over” this history but I still dream about it in one form or another almost every night. Why? Anyone have any ideas or suggestions on how to get rid of them?

I came across an article today at the AnxietyConnection that talks on Anxiety and Insomnia. Since I have posted on that recently I thought I would mention it.

One more off topic random thing. Here is a fun quote that I came across that reminds me to be silly,

“I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.” ~Dr. Theodore Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss

I would like to thank my good friend Ben for the picture I used for this post. He is a pretty great photographer and a really supportive friend.

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A Quick Update and Other Ramblings

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I made it through my birthday without a panic attack. I didn't really do very much for it and maybe thats why. I kept it pretty low key. And although a part of me was sad that there was no party, no big dinner celebration where all the attention was on me and my existence, the majority of me was happy to just be panic free.

So I took the route of doing what I wanted. I took a half day of vacation from work and went out to the mountains with a couple of mt friends to take pictures of the fall scenery. I had been wanting to get up there before the weather got too cold, and photography is very relaxing for me. The weather was perfect. As I have said before, I am a big believer in taking up hobbies because they are very therapeutic and I think they help you to gain confidence. I personally enjoy photography, blogging, and playing the piano to name a few. Here are a couple shots that I took:



It was nice to have a panic attack free birthday for the first time in years.

In other news, I chopped my hair. I took off about three inches and I dyed it pretty dark with red highlights. Its about a shade darker than my natural color. Some days I really like it and others I think, "What have I done!?!" I've gotten a lot of compliments but for some reason I rarely believe any of them. Its hard for me to accept compliments. I guess that goes back to my low self esteem, but I really think people are just being polite. And I'm not blogging about this because I am fishing for compliments, because like I said, I probably wouldn't believe you if you did. I do think its an interesting thought. Does anyone have a hard time excepting compliments? On the flip side, I don't give out compliments lightly. If I give a compliment to someone, I really do mean it. I can't stand it when people say they agree with or constantly praise either me or someone else just to break the ice, or an awkward silence, or to make people like them. Its so fake.

Well either way, I am not one to cry over a haircut.

Well I have rambled on long enough. I hope everyone has had a great weekend.

P.S. The buttons at the end of this post are different ways you can share my blog. Many people like to use social bookmarks like StumbleUpon, or Del.icio.us, or technorati. If you enjoy any of these services you can click on the button that represents the service you use to bookmark a page. Let me know if this is useful for you or a waste of space. Enjoy!

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If it's Your Birthday, You Can Be More Prone to Panic

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photo by PinkCakeBox

So today it’s my 25^th birthday. I love my birthdays, I love the gifts and the doting comments you get. The attention is nice and I love positive attention. However there is another side of my birthday that I really hate. Every birthday that I can remember I have had a panic attack. Usually because in our society you usually celebrate someone’s birthday with a big meal. That much attention focused on me always made me sick. I can’t count how many birthdays I have been sick on. This makes sense because people that have social anxiety often don't like to be put in the spotlight. I hate the feeling of having to preform for people. And when its your birthday you are definitely in the spotlight all day long.

A year ago I was out to eat for my birthday lunch with my coworkers and in the middle of the meal I went to the bathroom and threw it all up. I remember very clearly looking in the mirror and thinking “This is not normal. There is something very wrong with me.” That’s when I decided that I needed to do something. I didn’t want to have another birthday like that ever again. That’s when the research began and the diagnosis was made and I started on my journey. So it’s a year of reflection for me, to think of everything that I have learned.

However today I am struggling. There has been anticipatory anxiety for a few days about today because I know it’s a big day potentially for my anxiety. Part of me feels like I should not have a panic attack because then I can prove to myself that I have accomplished something. Part of me is worried what it will mean if I do have a panic attack. All this pressure is making me very anxious. I woke up with it. I am feeling it right now, even after taking a Clonozapam. I thought it would be fun to go take pictures of the fall scenery today so I mentioned it to my coworkers and now we will go and do it but last time we went I panicked so that has me worried.

It’s no fun. Birthdays are supposed to be a happy day celebrating you. So on the way to work this morning I started listening to my recordings I have made of some positive affirmations. I have already decided not to do a big meal because I don’t want to push myself and I don’t want to deal with it today. However because I am still so nervous and anxious, I feel that I need to talk myself through it now.

Q: What am I telling myself to make me feel this way?

A: Today is a panic day and I usually throw up on a day like today. I should be cautious so that I don’t panic. If I do panic than that means I am back where I was a year ago and I haven’t learned anything. Then the worrier comes in: What if I start out ok but then they go to get food or the panic comes on very quickly like it did last time? What if I get sick?

Now I will address these worries:

If the worse case scenario came true and I had a panic attack today, I would be just fine. I don’t have to be all better today just because I want to be. I can take as small a step forward as I choose. I can’t force the growth. If I did panic, no one would think badly of me, not even myself. If I decided that I wouldn’t go shooting with my coworkers after all, then that’s ok because it’s my birthday and I should do what I want on my birthday.

If I get sick today than so what! If they pass judgment on me what’s the worst that could happen? People are going to not like me or think ill of me no matter how “perfect” I might try to be. So I should stop trying to please them and do what I want, because I’m the one that has to be happy or miserable. If they want to go shooting and I decide not to go, I could tell them, “You know, I changed my mind, I am not feeling well and I have a lot of work to do. I better stay back, but you can go.” Or I could say “Do you mind if we go after you guys eat lunch? I am not feeling well and I would rather go when I don’t have the smells in the way.” And it might sound awkward but what’s the worst that could happen? They could again pass judgment on me but I have to learn that it’s their problem if they think ill of me, not mine and that I am being me which is the most important thing! If I feel sick and I don’t want to eat, than don’t eat. My body will tell me when it is hungry and there is no need to push myself. If I am feeling anxious and I don’t want to go than don’t go.

Positive Affirmation: There is no need to push myself. I don’t have to be all better today.

A lightbulb just went off for me as I wrote this post. Today isn’t about pushing myself to prove that I can face my fears and not panic, proving to myself that I am somehow “cured”. It’s about creating a birthday that is happy and anxious free so that next year I can reflect back on how it’s possible to have a good birthday. Then maybe I won’t be so scared of them.

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A Case of Stolen Identity Blog Style

It has come to my attention that there is a website out there that automates all of my content onto their website. Now normally I love links back to my site or when someone mentions a post I did or reposts one of my posts on their blog. However this isn't anything like that. This website just takes whatever post I have done and posts it as their own on their website with ads everywhere so they are making money off of my blog. That bothers me because I don't have ads on this blog and if anyone should be making money off my content it should be me.

So why am I bothering all of you with this? Because I cannot get this person to stop, so I am hoping that they will see this post when they steal it and get the hint. I have emailed everyone I know of to try to stop them but I haven't heard back from anyone. Not even Google who is sponsoring her ads has responded to my 2 emails I sent them.

The website in question is www.fearaid.org. If you are currently on this website and viewing my content, I would urge you to check out the real thing, cause it is much better. My website is at http://anxiousnomore.blogspot.com.

I don't want to dwell too much on this as it deters from the real focus of this blog, but I felt a post was necessary to try to get the word out.

In the future if anyone wants to use my content, I don't mind a link back or a repost (I encourage them in fact), but reposting all of my new content daily is a problem.

Has anyone else ever had this kind of problem? I know Debaser has and luckily he was able to get a hold of Google to stop it. Unfortunately this person's personal email address generated nothing, isp service was unreachable, and I am at a dead end.

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