"Getting An Edge- Student Edition" and has a lot of really good stuff on making short and long term goals. So I will try to find it.
In the meantime, I have my friend Rachel coming over tonight. We are going to make some magnet boards to give to our other friend Lindsey for her bridal shower. I am nervous about tonight in the fact that I worry we will run out of things to talk about and there could be some awkward silence.
I forget what its like to not have to work at a friendship. I remember having best friends in high school or growing up where I felt completely comfortable around them. My walls were down and I was outgoing. We had sleepovers where we would tell our secrets and ogle over boys we liked, talk about things we had in common like school, and jam to music in the car- singing our hearts out.
Now I feel like its all about keeping the other person entertained. Do they have enough to eat or drink? Are they having fun? What should we talk about now? Do I look okay? Am I acting appropriately? All these worries swirl through my head and sure I still have fun but its limited somehow. I don't feel like we are truly friends yet because its still a performance. Its like the dating scene all over again! I can't let my guard down, the walls are up and firmly in place.
So I hope that things go well tonight. Maybe someday we will reach that kind of friendship that I remember, or maybe I am just being naive.
How are all of you doing?
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