Saturday, December 26, 2009

Grinching Christmas

I don't know why I am suprised, but the last few days for me have been filled with anxiety. I never even thought seriously about preparing for the family get togethers. So wouldn't you know it Christmas Eve morning when I am supposed to go to a family Who-ville Christmas Breakfast, I am in pure panic mode in my closet. "What if I am sick and can't eat anything and I ruin the breakfast? I know its so important to my sister and I didn't want to be a downer..." and on my thoughts raced.

I tried to login to the website but my computer's battery was dead. So I decided to nip it in the bud instead of letting it draw out all day long. I simply called my sister up and told her that I was having a lot of anxiety and we would still come, but I may not be able to eat much since I wasn't feeling good. Worst case scenario, I could put it all in a doggy bag and eat it later.

There- it was out in the open, she knew, and I didn't have to try to be perfect anymore. And then the wave of anxiety quieted. That was the worst of it. I still had more ripples here and there, but no more panic attacks. Christmas morning and this morning I found myself uneasy, but nothing overly serious.

I am always a mess during the holidays. I get so wrapped up in how they need to be perfectly memorialized events that the thought of me ruining them with my anxiety always creeps in. I am my own Christmas Grinch. For some reason I feel that if I am sick, it will ruin it for everybody. When in reality, if I was really sick, it would really ruin the holidays for me, and most likely just me.

So I will say it again, being open and honest about your panic and anxiety with those around you always seems to be better for me than trying to hide it and pretending like everything is just fine.

How was the Christmas holiday for everyone else?



Meredith said...

Hi Aimee. I feel better after reading your post. I think the holidays can be a tough time for those of us with anxiety! I was feeling angry at myself for feeling panicky on Christmas day and had many of the same thoughts as you did. It did pass eventually and I was able to enjoy the day with my family. There is nothing better than watching my two little ones open their presents. My oldest is 4 and my youngest is 2 so they are finally both starting to understand Christmas! I think that even people without anxiety feel it during the holidays so we need to cut ourselves some slack! : )

Anxiety Girl said...

Merry Christmas, Aimee! What a wonderful post. It can be so hard to just tell people when you're feeling anxious, but it always dampens the adrenaline quite a bit. Thanks for an important reminder & way to go!

Lance said...

Aimee ~

We have a relative in for the Holidays and wouldn't you know it... today I experienced "Elevated Anxiety".

I'm finding it the best to take your advice and be open about it to our guest and explain my process and that it will pass. You're 100% right. He's been very understanding and it feels good to have additional support.

Having setbacks means we're making progress, so I'm doing my best and turning this into a positive!


David Holmes HPD, Dip.NLP, Cert.SM, Dip.H Psych, Cert.En psych said...

Ah Christmas....I was reading on the BBC site how the festive period takes it's toll on relationships. Spending time with relativies and perhaps even family members who you hardly see apart from weddings, funerals etc also the financial pressure this item of the year brings all leads to increased anxiety.
I offer hypnotherapy in Watford I really notice a sharp increase in enquiries for treatment in January....Has anyone any experience or feedback as to using hypnotherapy to overcome anxiety they would care to share?

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