Monday, September 22, 2008

Ever Thought about Therapy by Phone?

photo by Leo Reynolds
Have you ever wanted to talk to someone but talking in person seems really uncomfortable? Have you ever considered doing it over the phone instead?

Today psychotherapist and educator Tim Desmond from Coherence Counseling shares an experience of what you can expect from phone counseling.

Here is a case history from a recent client.

Grace, a nurse living in Oakland, CA, began our first therapy session saying she wanted to feel less anxious. I asked her to tell me about a recent example of her anxiety, and she told me about the previous night. Her husband was watching a movie and asked if she wanted to join him. She did, but complained the entire time about how much work she was not getting done. She told me that whenever she tries to take a break from work, she constantly feels anxious and is unable to enjoy herself. It had gotten to the point that it was beginning to create problems in her marriage, and she and her husband had begun to fight about her need to relax.

Curious about how her anxiety made sense, I asked her to imagine herself in the scene from last night and to let me know when she was there. After a few seconds, I asked her if she was feeling her anxiety. She told me that she was and I asked her to describe how it felt in her body. She said, "It's like a hot, burning sensation in my chest. I hate how it feels." I asked her to stay with that feeling for now, and really allow it to be present. Then I asked her to try something that might feel a little strange. I said, "Now ask that feeling -- that burning sensation in your chest -- what it's job is. Try saying something like 'What is your job?' or 'How do you help me?' and then just listen for an answer." She was willing to try and paused for a minute or so. She finally said, "All I'm getting is 'I keep you from slacking off.'"

At this point, I wondered how not "slacking off" was worth the price of feeling so anxious and uncomfortable. I told her that I would give her the beginning of a sentence and ask her to let it finish itself without pre-thinking the ending. The sentence-stem was, "It is so important not to slack off because..." and she quickly said "It is so important not to slack off because my whole f***ing family are a bunch of slack offs." We repeated this process a few more times as it became increasingly clear how important it was for her to be different than her family.

She told me about her family's history of drug and alcohol problems and how embarrassed she felt growing up with them. I now felt like I was starting to understand. I asked her to try saying, "My anxiety is what keeps me from ending up being a slack off like my family. That is more important than anything, including being able to enjoy myself." She repeated it back and said it felt true. We spent the rest of the session looking at this new discovery from different angles and phrasing it in different ways. We finally wrote "I refused to end up like my family, and I need my anxiety to keep that from happening."on an index card for her to read a few times a day.

I asked her to call if she needed another session. When she called a few months later wanting to do a couples session, she told me that she now felt entirely in control of her anxiety. It would still come up from time to time, but she would know what it was about. She said she would just recognize how different she is than her family and that would make her feel much better.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Worrying is a Wasteful Use of Energy


It’s interesting how many times the anticipatory anxiety is worse then whatever event I am worrying about. Of course the baby blessing and family BBQ were just fine. The baby slept through the whole thing and was a delight afterward. The food was yummy and we had a great time. I was able to manage any little bits of anxiety that arose. The worst was beforehand when I couldn’t stop thinking about all the What ifs!


Do you consider yourself a worrywart? I know I am. If you are then you might be plagued by "The Worrier" as well. Any fears that we can write down that start with "What if..." is a horrible waste of our time and energy. However its probably what effects me the most. I am always worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. And how many times like the example above do I need to show myself that they are empty, worthless thoughts. They rarely come to pass and in the mean time all I have done is added a few more wrinkles and grey hairs.


Imagine all that you or I could accomplish if we could channel all the time and energy we use worrying into something positive. Easier said than done, but still an interesting thought.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Why Must We Strive for Perfection?

Today is my daughter's baby blessing. I have been nervous about today for a long time, and this morning my anxiety level is really high. I haven't felt this anxious in a really long time. I finally felt things slipping out from my control and so I am forcing myself to write things out to help calm me down. So many things could go wrong today, granted they are all little and not a big deal but I have this huge desire for everything to be perfect. I am hoping things are somewhat organized but forgive me if I babble. Things that are bothering me:

What if we are late to church in the first place?
What if she cries through the whole blessing?
What if she poops all over her pretty dress before we even make it in the doors?
What if she doesn't eat enough before hand and is hungry and won't stop crying?
What if its not perfect?

I thought these thing through thinking, what if all of the above happened, whats the big deal? Why am I so worried? And then it hit me. Deep down inside I am telling myself that if any of these things happen, I am a bad Mother. And then I realized a whole new role had opened up in my life for people to judge me and me to worry about.

As if to prove a point that things weren't going to go right, when I woke up yesterday my Little One had scratched all across her nose with her fingernails leaving a long, first-thing-you-see-when-you-look-at-her, scratch mark. Luckily I am familiar enough with Photoshop to be able to remove it from pictures, but it still seemed like the mark represented a failure. "If I was better at keeping her nails short, this wouldn't have happened." "If only I was a better mother," is what I was telling myself. How mean I am to myself. I know I am not a bad mother, but subconsciously I am thinking this over and over again. I want so badly for everyone to think I have everything under control. So I had to tell myself over and over again that I am a good mother. Replacing the negative thoughts with a positive one seemed to help calm me down a little.

So here goes. Taking deep breaths. We have to leave in about an hour and a half. I haven't even grazed on the fact that all of the family is coming over to our house for a BBQ afterward and the anxiety that I will most likely feel there. I will update this afterward to let you know if and how I handle any panic attacks.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Pretty Good Reason for my Absence

I want to apologize for being MIA the last couple months, but I think I have a pretty good reason for it. My little girl was born on July 14th and my life has been turned topsy-turvy upside down ever since. I am sorry I haven't been replying to emails like I usually do or posting. I think that now things are starting to settle down as I start to get the hang of being a parent and hopefully I can get back into the blogging swing of things. For those that are interested she was 7 lbs. even and 18.5 inches long.


I was really worried before she came how my anxiety would be after the birth when my hormones were all out of it. Honestly the very day she was born I remember feeling extremely anxious about eating the hospital food, especially with all the guests around. But I made it through without any panic attacks and I haven't had too many issues since then. I guess nursing probably helps my appetite.

A new anxiety has snuck into my life. Anytime I need to leave the house with her I get this twinge of nervousness like something bad will happen if we go. I have no clue why it bothers me but it does. I have tried to ignore it and I go out anyway because I know its important to not give into the fear. Its been easier the more I do it, but the first few times were kinda nerve racking. I will sit in the back seat with her if I am not alone, but if I am driving I am worried she will spit up and choke on it and I won't know or I will be unprepared to handle some eating/pooping/crying catastrophe wherever we are off to. I am sure this is somewhat normal, right? I am also anxious when other people are holding her. I just worry for some reason even though there is no reason to. Any other new parents experience the same thing? So now I am waiting for a sense of normalcy to return to my life. I start work next week and that is going to introduce a whole new set of problems to worry about! I am going to attempt to work from home and take care of her at the same time. So my plate will be pretty full.

So again, I apologize for not being around, and I will try to get to everyone's unanswered questions and emails in the very near future. I hope everyone is doing well!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Yesterday I went to a seminar about Customer Service, but they had a lecture on reducing stress that I thought was interesting. They had the normal tips that aren’t hard to figure out on your own or have a doctor tell you: diet, stay hydrated, exercise, relaxation, life/ work balance etc, but here are a few additional insights that I thought were interesting:
  • Limit your time that you work at home or if possible, leave your work at work. Pick a spot halfway home on your commute, a stop sign, a stop light, or a landmark for example, where once you reach it you are no longer allowed to think about work.
  • When you get home from work, get out of your work clothes and put on more relaxing clothes. Just like we tell our kids to get out of their school clothes and put on their play clothes, we should do the same.
  • “Unplug” from the world occasionally. When I go out on a date with my spouse, I usually leave my cell phone at home. Then I don’t get bothered during our time together. If you want to keep it for an emergency, just turn it off sometimes for a few hours so you can relax in peace.
  • Hobbies are rejuvenating and we shouldn’t put them off.
  • Avoid procrastination as that will make more things become urgent or a fire to be put out which raises your overall stress levels.
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Friday, June 13, 2008

People Pleasing Stresses Me Out!

I needed to hear this so maybe someone else will benefit as well:


You Can't Please Everyone

by allinspiration.com

You may be generally an amiable and pleasant person. You may generally get along well with most people. But somehow, there is that one family member, that one friend, that one colleague, who doesn't take to you very well.

This might disappoint you, sadden you, or even disillusion you. Don't allow it to.

Every single person is unique. Every single relationship is different. Somewhere, somehow, there will be people who don't quite get along.

If you allow yourself to adjust your personal values, to change the person that you are, just to win over that one person or few people, you run the risk of adversely affecting the good relationships you do have.

Be positive. Focus on your happy relationships. At the same time, accept that there will be ones that don't go so well. Whatever you say or do, whoever you are, whatever character or personality you have, you won't be able to please everyone.

Monday, June 2, 2008

CELEBRATE.

Baby Names BabyNamey.com Name Badge Ticker

I know that I haven’t posted in forever and I am so sorry about that. Lately it seems that as my due date looms closer I have gone into survival mode of just trying to make it through the day doing the bare minimums. Plus I have been blessed to have my anxiety not as strong throughout my pregnancy because my appetite has taken over my worries in my head. It’s amazing what the human body can do.

However today started a fresh wave of panic because the plans for 3 baby showers are starting to solidify. The invitations are being made, addresses are being collected, and I have to go register for baby stuff this week because I procrastinated as long as I could. Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for the baby showers because we really don’t have a lot of the supplies we need yet and it shows that people really care about me. However being in the spotlight has me starting to worry as it always does. In fact, the anticipatory anxiety over having a baby shower started soon after I found out I was pregnant.

It got me thinking about my wedding almost six years ago. (Man how time flies!) Most women have dreamt about every detail of their wedding day since they were very little and know exactly how they want it all to be. They envision and plan for years and when the day comes its all about the bride and how amazing they are. I never really thought much about my wedding day, only more about who the groom would be. I chose my dress to be pretty simple because I didn’t want to bring a lot of attention to myself. I didn't want any embroidery or eccentric bead work. I felt like everyone was thinking that I was too young to get married. I am sure there were some people that did think that. I was really young, I was only 19! But it hurts me now to know that I let myself harbor feelings of embarrassment and unworthiness and even more so that I gave into them and made decisions based off of those feelings. How silly and unfortunate looking back. I didn’t like being in the spotlight and I let myself get so caught up in what everyone else must have been thinking that I really didn’t enjoy the day the way that I should have. I should have really CELEBRATED and not cared what anyone else thought about it. But for me I know that is easier said than done.

I don’t want those feelings from my wedding day to happen again. I want to enjoy each baby shower the way I should instead of worrying throughout the entire thing just trying to survive it. Worrying about whether people are judging you or not is such a waste of time! I don’t even know what I am worrying about- is it the food thing? Is it worrying that no one will show up? I don’t even know and yet this anticipatory anxiety is lingering at the pit of my stomach. I want to celebrate this new life. What a fun word. "Celebrate". It has so much more brightness, goodness and uplifting fulfillment to it as opposed to the word "Worry".

So I know what I need to do. I need to figure out and analyze what negative thoughts I am putting in my head and swap them out with positive ones. Perhaps I will do it in a later post. For now, I just wanted to say that I am not anxiety free and it really sucks sometimes to feel the control slipping, or having to deal with the anxiety at all. It’d be nice to not dread every upcoming event. Every evening out on the town, every family get together, every company event all comes with different levels of anxiety, rarely anxiety free. Its especially frustrating because I want to be at these events but the worrying can sometimes make it hard to enjoy them. At least I can manage my anxiety to a certain degree. If I really think about it, I don’t think I have had a full blown out of control panic attack since September which is really great progress. Its just draining to the soul sometimes. But celebrating life instead of dreading it seems like a pretty good goal to keep working towards.

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