Friday, March 28, 2008

Waiting For the Fall

Do you ever have periods in your life where everything is just peachy? Almost too good for too long a time that you start to worry, and wonder when the next personal setback, family tragedy, or financial blow up will come?

Don’t get me wrong, my life is in no way perfect. Pregnancy brings its own share of headaches, backaches, etc. My dogs just escaped from home last weekend which brought on some worry that they were hurt and they were locked up all weekend which made us sad and lonely. You can read more about that here if interested. I've been up since 4 am this morning and am crazy tired. But overall my life isn’t half bad lately. My pregnancy is going so much better than I ever expected it to, money hasn’t been tight for a while, work is cruising along, etc. My anxiety tends to come and go in waves. When it’s around it can be constant, everyday, and then fade away for a couple of months. And I feel that I am in a recession right now where I don’t have to deal with it as often as I used to. I am not naive to think it won’t ever hit me again really hard, but I am trying to enjoy the down time right now.

However, deep in the back of my head I am worried about what is going to burst this peaceful bubble. I know something big has to be on the horizon and I don’t want it to come.

I know it has to eventually. Life has to have opposition in all things. If we never felt sadness we wouldn’t appreciate the times we are happy. If we were never sick it would be harder to be grateful for our good health. It is through opposition and adversity that we become stronger, deeper, and wiser individuals.

I should enjoy this time while I can; it really does me no good to worry about something that hasn’t even happened yet. Although worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet is my thing, its what I do. And therein lies one of the biggest adversities in my life.

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Molly said...

This IS my problem too. I can handle about one good day and then I am second guessing myself...waiting for something to happen!
The lamictal is supposed to help with that...I am 7 days to my final dose...hopping for good things!
Thanks for your great advice!
Glad to know you are well!
Take Care

L said...


Oh dear, my heart does go out to you. I had a year where I was having less and less panic and anxiety, I was able to go places without the lovely panic symptoms and I was very happy! But of course, like you, I kept thinking.. okay when is the shoe going to drop? In the last month my panic has become worse, more and more panic attacks but I don't know, I just push through it, I wonder if we panic suffers will ever be free? mmm. So sorry this is such a long post. Blessings!

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