Thursday, September 13, 2007

Lonely Like a Fish Out of Water

Sorry for the delay in posts but I have been out sick for two days without a computer. I have been going through Reality of Anxiety withdrawals. So a very interesting thing has happened to me lately. With my business trip and my husband now gone on a business trip and with all the overtime I have been working before the business trips, it feels like a long time since my husband and I have spent any time together. And at first I was fine, in fact I love spending time alone to do whatever I want, or better yet, nothing at all. However the last few days I have started feeling lonely. This is not common for me at all. I am finding myself calling friends and family just to talk. I actually went over to a friend’s house last night to hang out for no reason at all, just because I wanted to get out of my house and interact with someone. It’s been overwhelming. I haven’t broken down into tears but have felt close to it at times. I just feel so alone and useless. Luckily Ty is coming home tonight and hopefully we can put some normality back in our lives.

It’s been years since I have felt like this. I can remember wanting friends and feeling like I was lacking that in my life, but not knowing how to make them. Loneliness is a horrible feeling, and maybe I have somehow tried to protect myself from it with my social anxiety. If I am too scared to interact with others than maybe I am too consumed with fear to feel the loneliness? Maybe I have gotten so used to my support person being there that the loss of that support is hitting me hard?

So I wanna know- is there anyone else out there with Social Anxiety that feels lonely, and why? It seems like such a contradiction but I am proof it can happen.

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john said...

thats a lovely post, well written. feeling lonely happens to us all at some time but social anxiety can really produce a feeling of not having any choice but to be alone.

It can be good for a relationship to have space as it makes you realise just how much you love each other.

I have social anxiety problems too. I cant stand being near people. But after 18 months of being single, I have finally met someone, I have finally made a new friend, someone not on the internet. And yesterday I recieved my first hug in a long time (other then from family). It makes all the difference.

Tiula said...

I realize that you wrote this years ago, but felt compelled to reply. I've certainly felt both anxious and lonely at times - often together.

I remember when, quite recently, all my friends were going out for a meal and asked me to come too. I was terrified of having an anxiety attack and getting teased for not eating or throwing up, but I also knew that if I chose not to go I would feel lonely and left out, especially when they started talking about it the next day, because I had missed out on the fun.

In the end I did go, and was proud of myself for overcoming my anxiety. I didn't feel great, but I still had a good evening and managed to explain my small appetite to my friends :)

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