Where's my Anti-Stress Calming Collar?

 

Here is what I just posted over at The Nitty Gritty of Anxiety:

I have a cat. Got her as a cute kitten but now she is a cat. This is the first one that I have ever owned. I am a big animal lover, but this cat has been testing my patience. She has issues with a quiet house. Anytime someone is sleeping, she can't stand it and starts meowing. She meows right outside my daughter's door when she is napping. Worse is every night when the family tries to sleep and the wee hours of the morning. Constantly meowing, loudly. She has food and water, access to the outside, access to any room she wants, lots of cat toys, two dogs to play with, but nothing keeps her quiet. On top of all that she's mean and bites or scratches you if you try to touch her. I am at my wits end, willing to try anything so I don't have to give her away.

Today I found and interesting product in the pet aisle. Its called an "Anti-Stress Calming Collar" and is designed to "safely and effectively calm cats". The box continues, "Ideal for stressful" and "unexpected situations". The collar contains pheromones that are supposed to naturally calm your pet cat. I bought it to try out for nighttime to see if it could help calm my uneasy cat so I can finally get a good night's sleep.

As I was reading the box I found myself thinking, "Where's my anti-stress calming collar?" Wouldn't it be great if someone invented a similar collar, like a bracelet for example to help you with anxiety? The boxes could read the same thing, "ideal for stressful and unexpected situations." Take it out before going to that party and tah-dah! You are anxiety free for the evening. Having a rough batch of morning anxiety? Slip it on when you first wake up and your day is suddenly much brighter.  It would be nice if there was a simple cure-all for our anxiety. Unfortunately we as humans are very complicated creatures and our minds are not so easily fooled.

Also unfortunate, the calming collar did nothing to stop my cats meowing problem. Have you ever tried a product claiming to cure anxiety only to have it not work?

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Cool Quote Alert

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."
-Dawna Markova

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Do You Have Anxiety While Driving?

On Saturday I went on a road trip. I drove all by myself to Moab and back in one day. That's about 9 hours on different highways, freeways, state routes, whatever you call them. Big multiple lane roads moving at very fast speeds. For most people this is nothing special, but for someone who gets anxious and has fears associated with driving, its a huge accomplishment. One speeding ticket and one potential dead deer later, I rolled into my garage at 10:30 at night ready for bed.

I am generally okay when driving around in my comfort zone, but I do not like driving somewhere I have never been before. I especially don't like driving with other people in the car with me. I used to be really scared on the freeways but a daily 2 hour commute for a couple years has helped me to overcome it. That said, I am okay on freeways that I am familiar with. Once I start having to merge onto other unfamiliar freeways, things get tense for me.

The trip was to visit an old friend and take pictures of her newborn baby. I had a GPS telling me exactly where I needed to go so that took a lot of the fear of the unknown out of the equation. I was enjoying my tunes and making progress. I like to listen to music when I drive. It helps to calm my nerves. Then I got pulled over. Argh! I had been trying so hard not to speed the entire time. But the road slowed as I drove through a small town and I got careless. That put me in a bad mood. After that, the only music that was helping me was anything really mellow.

I made it to Moab and had a great photoshoot. It was so nice to visit with my friend and it made me glad that I didn't back out or cancel at the last minute.

On the trip back, I stayed in the slow lane and set my cruise control to the exact speed limit posted. I wasn't taking any chances. As dusk hit, I noticed several "Warning: Deer Crossing" signs. Sure enough, a deer jumped onto the road right in front of my car. I slammed on my brakes but still managed to take the deer out by his back legs with the driver side of the car. The deer was down for a minute or so, got up, stumbled, fell, and eventually jumped off the other side of the road. I had pulled over, and was shaking. I didn't know what to do at that point.

The sky got really dark and driving out in the desert, there was hardly any light anywhere. I was really jumpy. Anything that looked out of the ordinary I was sure was another deer. I was thinking what else could happen on this trip? Only to see a Warning: Falling Rocks sign.

I was done with driving. I just wanted to get get home. I wanted to get pulled over so I could ask the cop for an escort home. I was really scared that I was losing all control.

I eventually made it home all in one piece. In the future I don't think I will take on such big road trips all alone. Having a friend there to support me would have been really nice.

Have you had any scares while driving?

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Great Song- I'm Moving On by Rascal Flats

I was on a road trip this past weekend, more details on that adventure coming soon, when this song came on my iPod and I remembered just how much I love it. It really is a feel good song, and makes me realize that I don't have to pity myself or stay stuck with my anxiety. I can do something about it, and so can you. Today.

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Why Do We Shut People Out when We Need Them the Most?

In our society it is widely known one should wait until after their first trimester before breaking the good news of pregnancy to friends and family. This is because after the first trimester, the risk of miscarriage significantly decreases. The idea is that if you tell people you are pregnant and then miscarry, that it would be painful to have to tell everyone that you lost the baby. It's a way to protect yourself from pain. After spending the day in the ER with the suspicion of having a miscarriage I realized doing this may prevent additional pain but it also shuts out the opportunity to feel love and support.

With my first pregnancy, everything was flawless. So when I found out I was pregnant again, I hoped and even assumed things would be very similar and I wouldn't have any problems. Although we only told a few, the news spread in Mr. T's family like wildfire. I told my mother and three of my sisters on Easter that we were "egg"specting, and two of my closest co-workers and a best friend.

Feeling Ashamed for Breaking Social Norms

As the symptoms started on Sunday, I decided for various reasons to wait to go into the doctor's office on Monday as opposed to the hopsital. All afternoon and evening I mourned what I was sure had to be a miscarriage. I felt stupid, embarrassed, and ashamed that I had told so many people. Not because it would be painful to tell them the latest news, but rather because I was worried they would judge me for not following social norms. "She should have known better" they would think.

I just stopped my medication two weeks ago. Do I stay off of it or get back on and go through another horrible two weeks of side effects?

Even worse, we were supposed to go to a family get together and I didn't want to see anyone. Mr. T eventually had to make an appearance so he went later on to let everyone know what was going on and why I wouldn't be coming. I was grateful he did the talking for me. He unfortunately had to leave that night for a business trip.

The Pros of Letting Others Into Your Life

 

But then a wonderful thing happened. The next morning I got a call from my sister-in-law (who has had 5 miscarriages) and she offered to go with me to the hospital. My mother-in-law offered to watch my toddler. Flowers and dinner were brought over. I received phone calls throughout the day to check up on me . I received so much unexpected love and support that I never would have gotten had I kept this all to myself. What a horrible secret that would have been to keep. I would have had to go through it literally all alone. Suffering, all alone. Instead, I really feel loved and encouraged by those around me.

I understand there are limits and everyone is different. I agree that its best to wait to share the exciting news with your boss at work or all over Facebook for example.  For me, I now see the importance of letting those that are closest to me in on my life, both the good and the bad, and letting them give me all the support and love that I need. I've decided not to feel bad for being different or for not acting the way others may think that I should.

It turns out that I have a SCH (a hemorrhage) which is not a miscarriage. It will be a week or two before I know for sure whether there is a fetus since the ultrasounds can't pick one up yet. I haven't miscarried yet, but it's still a possibility and I just need to take it easy. Thanks to everyone for the kind words of support and encouragement.

How This Can Apply To You

 

Maybe you aren't in this exact situation, but maybe you hide other hardships from your friends or family because you want to appear happy. It may be worth rethinking who you let in and shut out of your life.

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Oh boy...or girl?!?

 

I had an extremely shocking and surreal day on Monday. I had a suspicion, and it took a couple of tests to come up with conclusive results. Mr. T is out of town all week, so I had to tell him over the phone. I couldn't keep this to myself for so long. I found out that I am pregnant.

If all goes well with this pregnancy, it will be our second child. It was neither planned, nor prevented, and I am thrilled and nervous at the same time. I  feel very blessed to be trusted to raise and care for another little one. So what does being pregnant mean for my anxiety?
I have stopped taking my Sertraline (Zoloft) cold turkey and will definitely not take any more Clonozepam until after I am done nursing. Even though my doctor said Sertraline or Zoloft is okay during pregnancy, he also said it is best to not take any psychiatric medication if you can help it during the first trimester.

With my first pregnancy, I was lucky enough to be mostly anxiety free and medication free the entire time I was pregnant and for about the first 10 months of nursing. My mother was the same way. She always felt better when she was pregnant. I am hoping it will be the same with this one.

I am nervous about any side effects of suddenly stopping my anxiety medications. Usually if I forget to take my Sertraline for more than a day, I get horrible stomach aches and cramps. I don't remember feeling any side effects last time I stopped for my pregnancy, so I am hoping again for the same.  It is not okay to take Clonozepam during pregnancy or nursing. Besides possible birth defects and withdrawl symptoms in the newborn, it can cause your baby to have gray teeth!

When I was deciding to get pregnant the first time, I didn't know if I should wait until I "recovered" from the anxiety before getting pregnant or not. This is partially why I have the feelings I do about being cured from your anxiety. If you feel that way, you can put off these life decisions for who knows how long. Instead, I decided that this may be something I need to learn to live with, and therefore, when I felt I had the social anxiety under control, I felt comfortable getting pregnant.

I consider myself lucky that I do so much better with my anxiety when I am pregnant, but that doesn't mean you will be the same way. Some women find their anxiety symptoms get worse after being pregnant. So if you are contemplating this decision, my advice would be to wait until you feel you have successfully learned and used the tools to manage your anxiety and then go for it.

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My Thoughts on "Recovering" from Social Anxiety

Everyone reading this is probably looking for a way to be cured from anxiety. I have found that when I focus on words such as "cure" and "recovery," it tends to lead to disappointments. If I am doing really well, I may feel that I am close to recovery. Then if I get hit with a setback, I am really upset because I thought I was doing better.

Instead, I focus on finding the hidden lessons within the setback and use it to move forward. My philosophy is to treat anxiety as if you may have it the rest of your life. If you do this, you can learn ways to reduce and manage the anxiety symptoms so that you can still live a happy fulfilling life.

In this anxiety video that I made for The Nitty Gritty of Anxiety, I go into more detail on my philosophy of managing symptoms of social anxiety vs. recovering from anxiety or curing anxiety.



What are your thoughts about setbacks and recovering from anxiety? Do you think you can fully recover from anxiety or do you think it's something to plan on living with as best as possible?

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