Even More About Morning Anxiety: Its All About Your Attitude

photo by babblingdweeb

Morning anxiety fascinates me. It also haunts me and I hate it with a passion, but its a curious thing. How is it that the moment you open your eyes you can go from peaceful sleep to out of control fear and panic?!? And how is it that sometimes its in my life on a daily basis and other times its nowhere to be seen for long periods of time?

I've done a lot of research on this topic not only because I struggle with it often, but its also the number one search that brings people to this site, so I know that a lot of you are struggling with it too.

Usually when the morning anxiety sets in, it takes me about a week or so to really remove it from my morning routine. Every time it comes one of two things happen. I either fear the morning anxiety and feel guilty and ashamed when it shows up, or I expect it to be there and tell myself its not a big deal and I can handle it. There are lots of little tips I have spoken of before but I have learned over time that for me, the best medicine for my morning anxiety is my attitude towards how I approach it each morning.

When I feel guilty and embarrassed about my morning anxiety, and when I give into the fear thinking that its too much to bare, a funny thing happens. My anxiety gets even worse and I am usually sick all day long until right before bedtime when I can finally eat something and relax. This can continue for a few days where I hardly eat anything because I feel so sick.

It gets so bad that I am forced to change my attitude. I tell myself the night before that I don't need to get upset if I wake up with anxiety. In fact I tell myself I should expect it to be there and stop worrying about if it comes again. I say, when I wake up and the anxiety hits, this is what I am going to do. I am going to tell myself that its ok that I feel this way, its not a big deal, and I can handle it. I CAN handle it! I can do whatever I need to throughout the day with the anxiety.

Then I will get out of bed and do something to distract my mind. Just start my day. Lately if my little girl is still sleeping I will get out my iPhone and play this app that I am addicted to called Scramble. Really, I am pretty addicted to it, and the sad thing is I am not even that good! But its an easy distraction. I have observed that when I can stay positive and treat my anxiety this way instead of as such a horrible thing to dread, it is much less severe throughout the day and eventually after a couple days of thinking positively about it, I will wake up anxiety free.

The positive affirmations stuck around my house really help to reinforce the positive thinking. I have one on my light on my nightstand so its the first thing I see when I wake up. I have one in my closet so when I get dressed I see and read it. You get the idea.

Sure there are some days as I have chronicled where I don't want to work at being positive. Its too draining and I just want to vent because I am annoyed that I even have to deal with this in the first place. But I find that I have more strength and have more positive days than the days I just want to vent and have a pity party for myself.

I hope you find this useful for your own morning anxiety because it really is an awful thing that if you let it, can effect your whole day. But waking up with anxiety doesn't have to set the tone for your day. You can accept it instead of fearing it and in doing so, you are controlling it and not letting it control you.

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I Hate Anxiety and Worrying about Work Performance

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The Buildup and the Inevitable Fall:

Today started out as a pretty ok day. I woke up with some slight anxiety thinking about everyting I wanted to do. But usually I can shrug my morning anxiety off by getting out of bed and getting on with my day. When it didn't go away today I decided I needed to do some yoga, one of the things on my checklist anyway. I did yoga and a little gardening before the thunderstorms came rolling in, checking another thing off the list. Both of these things are very therapeutic for me and I usually feel great after doing them. Not today. While I was doing the yoga I could tell that I wasn't letting go mentally and I felt like it was forced. My baby woke up and so while feeding her a bottle I noticed everything I had already accomplished and thought about how all that I had left was getting my work hours in. Stomache churns. After setting her down to play, I could feel the intensity of my anxiety grow. The burning in the neck and arms, the sweating, heart beating faster, etc. And you would think I would have learned my lesson by now but no. Instead of accepting my anxiety, telling myself positive thoughts to help me through it, knowing that it will eventually pass; I fought it thinking perfectionist and critical thoughts like "I have to stop feeling this way!" "Why do I do this to myself?" "I am a mess!" "I will never have a normal life" "I am going to ruin my kids life!" etc. which of course only aggravates the situation and makes it worse. So I wrote out all my thoughts that I thought brought on the attack, worked on some positive affirmations but still I just can't shake it today. I am trying to work and I can't focus on anything. I just feel yucky. I took a little clonozepam finally to see if that will help, but so far, nothing.

Potentially Unproductive Venting Session: Read at Your Own Risk!!

I just want to vent about how much I hate anxiety. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I wish that my mind would filter thoughts normally and not run on overdrive all the time. Sure its an opportunity for emotional and spiritual growth and I remind myself that I am still a good person even with the anxiety in my life, but I am tired of it today and just don't want to deal with the struggle. I know there is nothing going on that I should be soooo drastically worried about, so why, why, why!!! Argh, I guess I am just frustrated. Thanks for listening.

Let's Break it Down: After thrashing it all out on paper I have come to the conclusion that I need to reevaluate the whole work situation. Right now there isn't much that I can change about it although I desperately wish I could ultimately quit and just be a stay at home mom. But since thats not an option at the moment and more of a goal, I have to work with where I am at now. 30 hours a week plus watching an almost walking 11 month old is HARD. Its overwhelming at times which spurs some anxiety. However I also can't reduce the hours because we will need the insurance benefits in a few weeks. We've thought about Day Care but I know my first responsibility is to be a Mother and I just feel better knowing that I am the one raising my child, (even if internally I worry that my anxiety is going to screw her up). So ultimately I have to change my negative thoughts about my work because it is the driving force behind my anxiety lately, specifically today.

I worry soooo much that if I don't constantly prove myself worthy to hold my position to my boss, showing him that I am working hard at home, that he will assume I am not doing anything and fire me.

When I rationalize the situation, there is no merit to worrying so much about it.

1. My boss has already stuck up for me and my position to the company CEO who was questioning the validity of the position and if what I was doing was "effective."
   
2. He has also listed me as doing everything that I have been asked of and more on reports of employee performance.
3. Since I work with schools all over the country, many of them are out for the summer and so my work load is lightening. Its getting harder to find productive things to do and that is making me worry more about my performance because I feel I need stellar reports every week or else! However everyone in the departments work load is decreasing so my boss is expecting that. If I am really concerned I can ask him for more projects.
   
4. Plus if the worst case scenario happened and I get fired I ultimately think it would be a blessing. Sure it would be stressful and we would have to figure some things out and get rid of some luxuries, but then I could stay at home with my Little and not have to work all day long. It could take a lot of other stress away.
   

So you see brain? There is no reason to constantly worry about getting your hours in. There is no need to put yourself in a full fledge panic attack for no good reason at all, when everything is just peachy!

I still need to learn to live in the PRESENT not the past or future. And presently, everything is fine.

Mindfulness Training Busts Stress

One of the top headlines on cnn.com today is "Mindfulness training busts stress". I thought it was a good read, just something that validates what I already know. Here it is below:

By Val Willingham
CNN Medical Producer

"Just the facts" has always been Lillian Waugh's motto. A historian and former professor of women's studies at West Virginia University, Waugh is a stickler for facts and details. And because she was always the "go to" person at WVU, she was constantly in demand -- and busy.

Lillian Waugh says playing the cello is a mindfulness technique she practices.

"I was a multitasker at work," she said.

Waugh's job was so stressful it started to affect her health. So when the university began a study on how to handle stress at work, she jumped at the chance to participate.

The study included 103 participants. Half were given written instructions on how to handle stress at work; the others, including Waugh, were taught techniques to cultivate mindfulness, such as yoga poses, breathing methods, stretches and meditation -- all designed to help workers cope with too many e-mails, ringing phones and the occasional nasty co-worker.

Lead investigator Kimberly Williams said the goal was to relieve stress. "Mindfulness means to pay full attention to what you are doing, moment by moment," she said. "We taught them how to recognize sources of stress, how stress impacts them, and then what they could do to come out of the vicious cycle of stress reactivity."

The program lasted eight weeks and participants were followed for an additional three months. Williams said they found those who received the mindfulness training "had significantly less daily hassles, psychological distress and significantly fewer medical symptoms" -- like lower blood pressure and fewer aches and pains -- than those who were handed a pamphlet.

Waugh says she was thrilled to find that after practicing mindfulness techniques, the back pain that had plagued her for almost a decade went away. She also said she "communicated better with fellow employees and actually had a better attitude towards my job."

"The one thing I came away with was the ability to put myself in a place where I could gain perspective on everything I was doing at the moment," she said. Dr. Gupta: Watch more on the benefits of mindfulness training »

Mindfulness is not new. It goes back to the time of Buddha, who believed that the mind should always be fully in the present -- not looking back at the past or anticipating the future. Being mindful of the here-and-now, Buddha said, reduces stress and brings inner peace.

Today, mindfulness training involves learning to become aware of mind, body and emotions. Yoga, tai chi, and meditation all teach mindfulness.

Williams said the popularity of mindfulness techniques is a positive development, because when done correctly, the methods have been shown to "actually lift stress from your body."

Numerous studies have shown that stress can take its toll on the human body. "[Stress] increases your heart rate, your blood pressure and your respiration; you go into a state of hyper-arousal," said Williams. "And over the long-term, we internalize the response, which can lead to neck pain, back pain, digestive disorders, sleeplessness. ... And many people deal with those problems by overeating, drinking or smoking."

The mindfulness exercises in the WVU study included "deep tasting," where participants spent time eating a raisin: They looked at it, smelled it, and took small bites to savor the taste. "It brings an awareness to the body that normally is always being rushed," said Williams, who emphasized the need to slow down.

"If you give all of your attention to something, you get deeply touched by that experience," she said. "We all know what it's like to eat our favorite food: We slow down, we savor it, we take our time. And that is what makes it so enjoyable."

Study participants were also taught to breathe by taking deep breaths through the nose, feeling the air fill their lungs and exhaling fully. Williams said that with a couple of those breaths, not only does "your blood pressure go down, and you stay calm," but you can better handle annoying colleagues or situations. "You often can bring out the best in people if you stay calm and loving."

Along with the breathing techniques, participants were also taught how to meditate -- even at their desks. They were told to find a comfortable time, free of distractions, and quiet their mind.

According to the study, even 10 minutes of meditation can help. "[Meditation] can take the anxiety out of a stressful workday," said Williams.

West Virginia University is not the first -- or only -- institution in the country that has tested the effects of mindfulness techniques on stress. UCLA completed a study a few years ago that found the same thing the WVU study found: Mindfulness exercises are excellent stress-busters.

Other researchers are looking at ways to mitigate the dangerous side effects of stress by using mindfulness exercises. Yale University is recruiting patients for a smoking cessation study that includes a mindfulness training component. The six-week program will focus on learning mindfulness techniques to deal with stressors and triggers that cause people to light up.

For Waugh, mindfulness training was a life-saver. Although she is no longer a full-time professor, she still practices mindfulness and attends yoga classes every week. She also has gone back to playing the cello, another mindfulness exercise that soothes her soul. She said these methods have helped her stay healthy and improve her outlook on life -- and those are "just the facts."

Health Library

• MayoClinic.com: Relaxation techniques
• MayoClinic.com: Meditation
• MayoClinic.com: Positive thinking

Teaching our Children to Think Positively

I hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day! My weekend getaway went extremely well. I think that all the preparing that I did really helped because my anxiety wasn't an issue at all while I was away. I was able to get up and eat meals and socialize just fine. Until surprisingly the long drive home. I was thinking about how well I did and was feeling proud of myself when the thought entered my mind,

"What if I get home and the anxiety returns?"

and wouldn't you know it, instant panic set in. My arms were burning, my stomach churning. I kept telling myself that I was ok and that everything would be fine, but I couldn't get the symptoms to go away or calm myself down. Eventually I ended up taking a little clonazepam to take the edge off and that helped.

Its so touch and go that it can be frustrating at times. A scenario that will most of the time be really difficult will be absolutely fine and then another scenario where I am usually fine will all of a sudden be really difficult.

Mornings are still an issue right now. I still wake up with anxiety, not every day but sometimes, and so I have been taking the mornings easy. I have been nervous about eating breakfasts since my stomach is all yucky from the anxiety. So I have been munching on saltines the last few days for breakfast so that I am at least eating something. I have been doing yoga every other day and the more I do it the more my body craves it. It really helps to shake off any lingering anxiety in the morning and to feel good about the day.

To help me not get overwhelmed with everything on my plate, my mantra has been "Do What You Can, When You Can." Whenever I start to worry about something not getting done I say that to myself a couple of times. It helps me to remember that I am doing the best I can and if I don't get to something today thats ok, I can get to it later.

I've been thinking about how much my anxiety revolves around the negative thoughts in my head and it makes me wonder how long I have been doing that for and if it was something I picked up from those around me growing up or if its just how I am. It makes me think about when raising my kids how I want them to be happy, confident, and positive in their thinking so they don't have these same problems. How do I teach that and not let them feed off my poor example? I know I can praise them a lot to raise their self esteem, but how do I teach them to not think badly of themselves or to care what others think? I found a really great article on the subject here:

"The power of our thoughts has been recognized for centuries. For better or worse, out thoughts determine who we become and what we manifest during our earthly stay. Helping our children to understand this truth adds awareness and intention to the power they already possess as thinking beings.

How can you help your child grow up knowing the power of thought, and especially the power of positive thought? Some ideas follow:

• Keep your thoughts and words gentle, be deliberately positive.
• Speak kindly of all family members and friends.
• Approach your work with enthusiasm. Curtail complaining in favor of problem-solving.
• Speak the language of hope and affirmation. Say “I will” and “I can” often!
• Smile a lot! Laugh at yourself and allow others to laugh with you.
• Inspire positive regard for people who may be different in one way or another. Find value in everyone you meet.
• Let your child know how wonderful they are. Often!
• Frame correction in positive terms. “Chairs are for sitting” rather than “Don’t stand up in that chair.”
• Use courtesy in your interchange with others. Be an example of respect and sincerity.

Preschool

Babies come into the world with no worry, doubt or lack of self-esteem. Preserving the “clean slate” is impossible, as babies are about the business of perceiving, making connections and deriving meaning from the events and relationships around them.

Handling babies and young children gently, helping them feel secure in your care is a good starting place. Singing and speaking in soft positive tones soothes even the most ruffled baby. Letting them know they are valued will be the foundation for positive self-esteem.

As your child grows, have faith in their ability to learn and perform challenging things. “You can do it!” goes a long way. There is no need to push. Encourage while respecting developmental readiness.

Preschoolers need to be prepared to deal with many kinds of children when they go to school. Play experiences will hopefully include playtime with kids of diverse backgrounds, abilities, and ethnicities.

Main points to address:

• Babies learn to be positive or negative from the big people they grow up with.
• Being handled with respect and gentleness will set the foundation for positive self-image.
• Have confidence in your toddler’s ability to do challenging things.
• Help your preschooler appreciate diversity.

Grades K-3rd

Young school age children can experience “culture shock” upon entering school. They may encounter children who may have been abused, who handle things and people roughly and who have not been respected or cared for. They will need help understanding why some people are “nice” and others seem “mean”. Encourage them to stay positive and view others with compassion.

In the meantime, live positive! Have a gratitude break once or twice a week. Let each family member tell what they are grateful for at the dinner table. Practice finding the “silver lining” when things don’t go well. Don’t deny how awful an event might have been. Just help them find a different perspective to view things from.

Encourage positive self-talk by referring to yourself and others in positive ways. Teach your child to use positive affirmations to bolster confidence. Perhaps before an important game they could repeat for several minutes: “I am strong and fast. I am ready for this game.” Or after feeling left out on the playground, “I am loved. I have lots of good friends.”

Main points to address:

• Encourage your child to stay positive and compassionate even when others are not.
• Let them know they always have a choice how they use their power and the energy of their thoughts.

Grades 4-6th

Older school age kids are learning what they are good at and what they are not as good at. This can be a time when children compare themselves with others. Helping your child to view themselves as unique and special will curb their tendency to put themselves down.

Listen to their self-doubts and fears without minimizing the issues. Then help your child look at things from a different angle. Using empathy will help your child be compassionate with themselves.

Reminding your child that he or she is not “done yet” will set them free to see their development as a process that sometimes feels like three steps forward and one step back. This will help them bounce back from disappointments more easily. Praise them for not giving up.

Children can tend to become perfectionist at this stage. Appreciating where your child is in their development will help them accept themselves and view their life experience positively. Convey the truth that everyone makes mistakes and misjudgments while they are learning. Tell them learning never really ends by showing them ways you are still learning.

You can begin to make the connection between positive thoughts, positive words and positive outcomes. It will be empowering for your child to learn that they are in control of their thought-life and that a positive lifestyle is a choice they can embrace. Your 9-12 year old is ready to understand that: “As a man (or woman or child!) thinketh, so is he (or she).”

Main points to address:

• Encourage your child to see themselves as a unique individual with talents, skills and personal power.
• Use empathy when listening to their fears and doubts.
• Help your child view life as a process- better yet- an adventure!
• Make the connection between positive thought, positive words, positive actions and positive outcome. Thoughts are powerful!

Resources
Resources that can help you in your venture include:

• Fishful Thinking: Positive thinking for kids - http://fishfulthinking.com/whatisfishful/
• Mind Power for Kids: Positive affirmations - http://www.mindpowerforchildren.com/affirm.htm
• StorkNet: Teaching kids productive thinking - http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/parenting/productivethinking.htm

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Tips for Traveling with Anxiety- Trip # 4

If you have read the blog for awhile, you know that I get extremely anxious about traveling. I didn't use to be this way but after a few trips where I was panic stricken the whole time I have developed anticipatory anxiety about vacations. How sad, I know, since vacations are supposed to be a relaxing getaway.

This Memorial Day Weekend we have a cousins reunion in St. George which is about 3-4 hours away from home. I know that I shouldn't be anxious about the trip but it has really been stressing me out. We will be gone for about two days. We have never been away from home with the baby for that long.

So learning from my previous setbacks, I know that success will greatly increase for me if I properly prepare ahead of time. Preparing means following my 10 step Mental Exercise, but here is a shorter version:

1. Writing out all of my fears no matter how silly or absurd they may sound.
2. Writing out a gameplan for what will happen in the worst case scenario.
3. Writing out positive affirmations to counter my fears.
4. Print out the post and keep it in my wallet where I can access it whenever I need to. I plan to pull it out every morning and reread it for reinforcement.

This worked well for me on my last trip to Vegas so I hope it will work again.

Ok so here goes:

What am I telling myself to make me feel this way?

• What if I am anxious the whole time? I will ruin the trip for Tyler and all the cousins and my aunt will think I am weird.
• Trips make me anxious. I should be nervous about this trip.
• What if I can't eat anything and I offend the cook?
• What if people want to go do something and I am feeling too sick?
• What if the baby has a hard time on the car ride down or sleeping and she is miserable?
  

As I am writing these out I am noticing that most of them are "What if" statements which is the type of negative self talk that promotes anxiety, especially anticipatory anxiety. This type of self talk is the one that plagues me the most. Edmund J. Bourne says,

"...the Worrier's dominant tendencies include 1) anticipating the worst, 2) overestimating the odds of something bad or embarrassing happening, and 3) creating grandiose images of potential failure or catastrophe. The Worrier is always vigilant, watching with uneasy apprehension for any small symptoms or signs of trouble."

He also says the best coping strategy for dealing with the Worrier is by writing out positive coping statements.

• What if I am anxious the whole time? I will ruin the trip for Tyler and all the cousins and my aunt will think I am weird.
  

Circumstances are what they are but I can choose my attitude toward them. I can be anxious and still have fun on this trip. I've done it before and I can do it again. I can handle this. Tyler loves me more than this trip. I love and accept myself the way I am. I respect and believe in myself apart from other's opinions.

• Trips make me anxious. I should be nervous about this trip.

This is overgeneralizing. Just because I have been anxious on trips in the past that doesn't set in stone that I will be anxious on this trip. I am learning to be calm. I'm responsible and in control of my life.

• What if I can't eat anything and I offend the cook?
  

If I explain to the cook that I have not been feeling well and I don't have an appetite they will most likely understand. And if they don't, so what! I only have to eat for myself. It's important to take care of my own needs. I respect and believe in myself apart from others' opinions.

• What if people want to go do something and I am feeling too sick?

If I am not feeling well be honest and they will most likely understand. And if they don't, so what! You are here to have fun and not to please everyone else. Do what you want to do. It's important to take care of my own needs. Its ok to make time to rest and relax. I am willing to go forward with my life and try to better myself regardless of what others think.

• What if the baby has a hard time on the car ride down or sleeping and she is miserable?

If she is really struggling we can always come home. We can take rest stops and get her out and play.


What if the worst case scenario happened?

If the worst case scenario happened and I was severly anxious, I could take deep breaths and if needed, a clonazepam to help take the worst of it away. If I am still really anxious I could leave the room, collect my thoughts by reading my positive affirmations and taking deep breaths, and return when I feel better. If it won't go away and I am miserable, we could always come home.


Preparing like this may seem time consuming but for me, just knowing that I have a plan in place helps to subside those what if feelings because now I know what I will do if it happens.

We are leaving tonight or in the morning. I will let you know how it goes!

What to Do When Feeling Overwhelmed

photo by Cheo70

The last few days have been a turning point for me. I still have the morning anxiety but I am doing ok with shaking it off and getting on with my day. I've been reflecting a lot on this past set back and why it happened. It really was the perfect storm of my hormones out of control, too many stressors popping up, new changes in my life, and feeling overwhelmed.

The feeling overwhelmed part I could feel for awhile. I was even telling people around me that I was needing a better balance in my life, more control over what was going on. I like routine and when things get shaken up, I have a hard time adapting. So I did some research and found a really cool blog post at inmyheels.com about Overcoming Being Overwhelmed:

"Somehow, I’ve cornered myself into feeling so overwhelmed that I began to stop - nearly everything. You’ve heard of the paralysis of analysis, have you not? You know, when you analyze SO much that you become afraid to move for whatever reason? Enter me, a twenty-something gal with lots of somethings on her mind. There are so many things that I wanted to take charge of and knowing that it’s a frame of mind, I decided to tackle it all. Except I didn’t know where to start. I could see the very big picture - think Google Earth of my dream world - however I couldn’t focus.

Then, the sad state of the What Ifs grew to what felt like astronomical heights. I couldn’t even bring myself to write. How frustrating - particularly because I have always found writing to be such a release!

Lucky for me, a caring Life Coach listened intently to my crisis and helped bring me back to Earth. And what’s the good of dishing advice if one can’t take a dose for herself? Turns out that no matter how many self improvement books you dedicate yourself to reading, the profound change that you seek in those books all start by taking one step at a time. Know that I am one of those who will nod “Yeah, yeah but what’s the REAL secret” to such age-old advice until I have my epiphany It DOES all start with one step and they are each quite significant; even when you think they are too small to matter.

The Big Picture

Perhaps it’s just my very nature but oh how I delight in the broad strokes and bright colors of possibilities that all contribute to The Big Picture. You know, that big goal..that dream of yours. When you realize that you have an actual shot at attainment, it’s quite exciting! It’s important to be able to be able to step back and take a look at what you’re aiming for. It inspires a direction for you to head towards. But here’s the thing. While you want to keep this picture close, you want to do more than just enjoy the view. While seeing what you want is critical, it is not the only step. After all, “I want a dream body” will not grant you abs of steel by just dreaming about it every waking moment. It grants you the inspiration you need to begin the actual work.

I found myself stuck at The Big Picture and I told Tim so. I was unbelievably overwhelmed by what I saw in The Big Picture in comparison to my current state in life. In my honest opinion, the difference was dismal. But Tim didn’t see it that way.

Perhaps the man is gifted with positive perspective (which is great, him being a Life Coach and all) because by the time our hour would be over, I would feel like my current state wasn’t as bad as I pictured it to be. The monster of a mountain that is my Big Picture wasn’t smooth and impossible to climb. Rather, looking closer, it was something I could definitely climb - I just needed to accept that I wouldn’t be at the top of it the minute I approached it. So much for that microwave-society, instant gratification thinking!

So my next question to Tim was something to the effect of “How do I start moving forward?”

Whodunnit: Learning How By Watching What Others Have Done

This piece of advice is one of my favorites and it might have a lot to do with my love of a good plan. Tim suggested that I read about the people I admired or aspired to be like. I already find people’s lives quite interesting. The funny thing about life is there is no cookie-cutter way to live it. Things happen - good AND bad but one cornerstone of the successful would be their intent on ‘making it work’ anyway. And if you think about it, you’ll see. Life can either just happen to you, or you can do your very best to play the hand you’ve been dealt. By reading about those I aspire to be like, not only do I get to witness the unique dealings of THEIR struggles, I can skip some of the hard knock lessons by learning from steps already taken in someone else’s heels. It’s a real advantage when you have serious intent on getting somewhere. Learn from others and utilize the wisdom harvested over time to spare yourself some grief and gain an idea of what to do. Every little bit counts!

Breaking It Down. Way Down.

This tip has got to be the golden turnkey that I desperately needed. I had been doing things that are comparable to walking in to a gym for the first time in your life and taking a hold of 350 lbs with every intent of hoisting it upon your back for squats. You can have every bit of determination and pure positive thinking on your side but to be effective, you need to be capable. If you are not yet capable, you can become so however you must take the steps to become so.

It is easy to be overwhelmed when you can’t see HOW it is you’re supposed to accomplish something. The stress and anxiety that comes from comparing yourself to people who seem to have it together can’t possibly help. Now throw in the auto-pilot self depreciating commentary that goes on in your mind and you have yourself a way to become stuck in life.

Breaking down a big task into smaller tasks that you are able to complete is how you get the big task done. Logically speaking, you might know this. But when you’re busy being overwhelmed, it’s super easy to forget. I wish I had a You-Tube visual of the relief that seeped in as Tim explained this to me. I was feeling like all of my small tasks were insignificant and couldn’t possibly be chipping away at my goals. Tim helped me experience the contrary by way of conversation and visualization. He told me to read this piece he wrote on his blog which perfectly summarized the need to chunk down to get things done.

Consistency - Keeping Your Eyes On the Prize

Ah. For me, this is the hard part. The magic is in the consistency. When doubt starts to creep its way back in to put a big foot in your plan, it may help to go back to your Big Picture and remind yourself where all those little tasks you are completing will ultimately take you.

Have faith in your actions towards success and don’t allow inconsistency to undermine your efforts. The stop and start again can wear on you and it can make starting again that much harder to initiate on your own. That being said, Tim pointed out something that was very important for me to keep in mind. When bad days happen and you miss a step, it isn’t catastrophic. It is not “all ruined” as I so aptly put it. You can strive for excellence and have moments that are less than perfect. The key is to not get stuck at that point - get back to it as soon as you can.

Don’t allow pristine ideas of perfection dwarf progress instead of improve it. It’s the consistent nature over time that will give you what you seek.

Meditate - The Ultimate Time Out

Last but not least, Tim suggested that I reap the benefits that come from regular meditation. My stress levels that came from NOT doing what I wanted to do (which only brought more of what I didn’t want) skyrocketed. I was constantly upset with myself and I needed some clarity. I had to laugh when Tim added that there is no ‘perfect’ way to meditate. I laughed because I had stopped meditating simply because I thought I was doing it completely wrong! I would still my mind only to get distracted by my endless to-do list that magically formed in my thoughts. I was also surprised to hear that many people did the same exact thing (One of the most awesome things I have found in speaking to a Life Coach is actual confirmation that I am not alone in my struggles. Other people experience and overcome the same things!)

I have to say - I felt like I was getting my life back when I realized that my being stuck and overwhelmed was a matter of perspective. Perhaps my crisis is a growing pain (gotta love those). The playing field widens as I grow up and want different things. I am incredibly blessed that the journey InMyHeels is not a lone one - even when it might feel that way. This blog has brought me in touch with a Life Coach at *just* the right time for exactly what I needed. It has also enriched my life with wonderful readers and caring friends who keep an eye on the steps InMyHeels takes forward.

Take this is a (( virtual hug )) to you, the reader who relates or knows where I coming from.

Being overwhelmed can be overcome. This post in itself is actual proof of such things. It is my hope that my experience and help from Tim helps you see that you can do it too."

So I need to take the big picture- my daily routine- and break it down into achievable chunks. Instead of worrying about the baby, work, housework, exercise, family time, church, etc. everyday, I need to break it into some sort of schedule where maybe I just focus on church stuff on Sundays, laundry on Mondays, Yoga on Tuesdays, etc.

I know now the importance of keeping that balance in check and what can happen if I neglect the warnings.

Thanks for everyone's well wishes and words of encouragement this past week. I have such a great support group both online and at home with my family. It makes such a difference and I am very grateful.

Much Needed Success

So far today is a better day. I woke up feeling extremely anxious, heart pounding, mind racing, etc. I just laid in bed for a few minutes and took some deep breaths. I told myself some positive affirmations such as "This may be hard today, but I can handle it. I can do it!" and "I can accept these feelings and let my body do its thing. I know it will eventually pass." So then I got out of bed and waited to throw up. Everyday I have been throwing up so I have been waiting to take my medication until after I think I can keep it down. But I never had to this morning. I was also able to go out and distract myself enough with other things that I could shake off the anxiety a bit. Enough to where I didn't feel the need to take a Clonazepam. So I took my Zoloft and have been going on with my day.

Successes:
1. Didn't throw up this morning
2. Didn't have to take Clonazepam
3. Was able to ignore the anxiety enough to do what I needed to do
4. Took a shower and got dressed

I have been feeling pretty good about all of these great little successes. Then my hubby gets home and he has a bag of Wendy's. He brought me lunch. He wants to go to Walmart to go grocery shopping and then out to a movie tonight. All of this sounds fine and dandy and I have no reason to be anxious about those things, but as he starts talking about it I start to feel the anxiety levels rising. So finally I told him that even though I have had a good morning, I was feeling kind of rushed and I want to take it slower.

He needs to get out of the house and I can understand that. If there is anything positive that has come out of this last week of hell, its been our communication and our relationship. I have needed him so much and he has learned so much about me and even without the anxiety we are going through some stressful times and so its been so nice just to have each other for love and support.

Part of me is feeling rushed and just wants to relax at home. Another part of me is so worried about becoming severely agoraphobic that I feel guilty about wanting to stay home.

Also, I have hardly been eating anything because of the nausea and the lack of appetite. I don't know how much of it is contributed to the side effects of the meds and how much is my own issues, but I know I will be losing weight and I am trying not to dwell on it or feel guilty that I am only nibbling these days. I've been mostly drinking Ensure's and Gatorades and then nibbling on crackers or crazy small portions of a meal. I figure if I keep listening to my body, eventually I will be ok.

Something that has really been bothering me lately is this term "nervous breakdown". I saw an advertisement with that phrase and I thought, "Did I just have a nervous breakdown this week? Am I one of those people that if this happened in the 50's would be institutionalized? Am I crazy?" I keep thinking "I am the crazy one who has the nervous breakdowns." Or others are thinking "She is fragile right now, she just had a nervous breakdown." And I really don't like that label. It really really is bothering me. On Wikipedia it says recent surveys have found that as many as 18% of Americans may be affected by one or more anxiety disorders. The Census Bureau currently lists 306,434,870 people living in the United States. That means that in the United States approximately 55,158,276 people are suffering from some form of anxiety disorder(s). 55 million people are a heck of a lot of people! Just another reminder that I am not alone.