Overcoming an Anxiety Attack

photo by fotologic

I am very proud of myself. Today I had a panic attack, but I rode it out and I overcame it. I haven’t had a panic attack, or anxiety at all for that matter, since Thanksgiving.

I got invited to a luncheon with my new department and the fear took a hold right away. It was that panic that I dread which only makes it worse once you recognize its there. So I pulled up some of my previous blogs posts that I refer to often to help myself and I did my mental exercise to prepare for the lunch. I felt a little bit better before we left. Once there the panic came rushing back again and I could tell I was going to be sick, so I went to the restroom. This nausea was definitely different than pregnancy nausea. My face and neck and were flushed and burning. I sat there ready and waiting to vomit, when I closed my eyes, took some deep breaths, and starting saying my positive affirmations over and over.

"There’s no need to push yourself. You can take as small a step forward as you choose."

"I believe in myself apart from other’s opinions."

"I am learning that I don’t need to eat to please others, I only need to eat to please myself."

I could feel the burning sensation leaving, and my body and mind starting to calm down. When I felt like maybe I wouldn’t throw up after all, I sat down and my legs started shaking like they always do after my panic attacks when the adrenaline is working itself out. I was amazed. Sure I had a panic attack, but I was able to keep myself calm enough to not throw up, and to ride it out for the few minutes it was there. I was able to go back out and eat comfortably after that knowing that the worst was over.

I was just so excited to know that even out of practice, I remembered the skills I need to make it through a panic attack, and to help it not be as severe as it could have been.

For ways to overcome a panic attack, you might enjoy some of my posts on:

• 10 Step Mental Exercise That Will Reduce Panic
• My Top Ten Anxiety Tools and Resources
• Master Rather Than Victim of My Mind
  

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No Sympathy if You Don’t Try to Change

This is a little thing I live by whether its right or wrong. Don't get me wrong, I can sympathize, empathize, show compassion, and feel bad for someone if they are in a crappy situation. I am not a heart of stone. However, if after a certain amount of time of hearing the same complaints over and over and knowing the person has done nothing to change their predicament; I lose the sympathy and just get tired of listening. I have been known to tell people after years of the same problem that unless they do something about it, I don’t want to hear about it anymore.

Sometimes I have to take a look at myself and see if I am doing the same thing to others. I have been struggling with work lately and have even written a couple blog posts on it, because it really has been crappy and has been affecting my moods. A couple of you told me that maybe I should be looking for a change. That hit home to me, because really I wasn’t doing anything to improve the situation yet sulking and complaining was the natural release.

So I am pleased to announce that I did take steps to improve my work situation. At first I struggled because I didn’t think I had very many options being pregnant and all. But I posted my resume on Monster and was surprised of the response I got. I still didn’t think I would be a great candidate when they learned of my pregnancy so I didn’t pursue any of those too much. Plus the stress of starting a new job at a new company doesn’t sound like fun. But to know I had options really improved my self esteem and quieted some doubts. Luckily a position opened up at my work in a different department and although it will be a significant pay cut since it’s not a managerial position, it will allow me to work part time and at home after the baby is born at an hourly wage that is very good! I couldn’t be more excited or feel more blessed. Not only will I not have the stressors of management- meetings, confrontations, hiring, firings, dealing with senior management, etc. but I will be able to have the ideal setup and I won’t be working for my boss which has been the hardest thing.

It’s not completely official but it looks like it will be happening very soon. Thanks to everyone for your advice. I really do listen, promise. And now hopefully my complaints will go down as well which is better for everyone.

Moral of the story: Are you one of those people that when encountering a problem, take action to change your plight or do you thrive on the sympathy and attention you get from others, maybe from your anxiety or panic attacks?

That might sound like a silly question but it happens. We may not even realize it, but deep down we may be benefiting from having anxiety and don’t really want to give up that benefit. The question is what are we gaining? Is it really worth it? Do you thrive on the attention for example? Maybe your spouse picks up the slack in other areas of life that you don’t want to deal with such as housework, taking care of the kids, and the finances. There are so many possibilities. It’s interesting to think about, and to weigh whether the subtle benefits are worth the crippling effect of anxiety. If you decide to give them up, then change is the next step. Change can be a career change like me for example, a break in a relationship, a trip to the doctor, to the bookstore, out of your front door. It could be going out with a friend, taking a chance on a new relationship, etc.

So what kind of person are you?

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Great Quote Alert

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

--Brian Tracy

New Year, Clean Slate, Fresh Look

New Year, Clean Slate, Fresh Look

Sorry I did not write over break, my computer broke and I had no internet access. It’s nice to get in touch with the world again. Happy New Year! What an amazing feeling to know that you have a whole new year to start over. As Natasha Beddingfield says, “Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten.” I am sure you have all made New Year’s Resolutions by now and I hope you are staying positive and motivated. Just a tip, make realistic goals and not too many of them.

I looked back on my 2007 Resolutions and saw that one was to “get over my stomach anxiety” and to gain weight. This made me reflect on everything I have been through this past year and helped me to realize just how much I have accomplished. I have learned so much about anxiety, phobias, etc. and hopefully my journey has helped others to find hope and motivation as well. I may never “get over” my anxiety, but I have learned tools to help me manage it which has helped me to heal, grow stronger in my self esteem, and have a happier life. Sure there are setbacks and bad days where I am not panic free, but I will take today over last January 2 any day.

The holiday break was extremely helpful for my fried emotions. I did nothing. I sat around all day long in my pjs make-up free and watched TV, sewed, and more TV. Today I may be back at work, but I am more relaxed, more patient, and it feels good. I often need to take a day off from work for this purpose only

What are my 2008 resolutions? Besides the obvious baby/parenting ones, all of my goals revolve around finding and bringing more peace into my life by forming good habits. I want to get back into yoga and keep it up consistently. It helps me to stay relaxed and calm more often when I do it regularly, but it’s hard to make time for it when I get home from work and am tired and just want to sleep. So I want to work on that. I want to find a way to stay at peace at work. Whether it’s just remembering the light at the end of the tunnel, or finding/remembering a mantra (ex: happiness happens inside of you, not to you) something to help me not pull my hair out and cry everyday. I want to add more spirituality to my life. Reading my scriptures, prayer, stuff like that. So it all equals more peace.

What are some of your New Year’s Resolutions?

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Negativity is Toxic

photo taken by code_martial

Lately my work has been unbearable. Days spent crying in the bathroom, power struggling with my micromanaging boss. He seems to win every time and a little part of my freedom or even my job duties are taken away. I spend time whispering with others who are struggling about a revolution that can’t happen soon enough. Its to the point where finding another job is starting to sound like a good idea, even though in my position I should just wait it out and hope for the best. My last job I was in the same boat and I left to come to this job. But I don’t have the same luxuries I did then, now.

Right now my emotions are through the roof and I can’t control them like I used to. I get annoyed so easily and I don’t hide all the anger I feel anymore. Maybe it’s funny at home but it’s dangerous at work. So instead of talking to my boss because I worry about saying something I would definitely regret, I just fester with the hatred.

Today I feel like I have been soaked in this toxic poison called negativity and hatred. I reek with it. The worst part is that I think my comrades in arms are getting sick of me too. They are tired of the complaining, the whispering, and the negativity. I’m tired of it too. It’s so unproductive.

But it seems like every time I try to put on a happy face, turn that frown upside down, or just try to be alone to get away from the situation, my boss pops in with some outrageous request, some conniving power play, or some horrible new thing he is implementing, and it’s like he’s winding me up like a toy. The annoyance starts at the sight of him, the anger starts bubbling up as he speaks, and all I can do is quietly nod and glare so that I don’t start having a tantrum.

The worst part about it is his boss who I should go to talk to about it, loves him, and thinks that we are all just not giving him a chance. So there is no point going to talk to her because it will reflect poorly on you as not being a team player, or being insubordinate, etc.

So here I am sitting at work completely unmotivated, feeling depressed about the situation, with not much I feel like I can do about it. Then I start thinking about how I don’t like me like this, with the poison inside, but I don’t know how to get rid of it.

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Listen to Your Body

The biggest lesson I am learning these days is to listen to my body and not my mind. For the last year I have done everything in my power to not throw up and felt like I had a setback every time it would happen. However now I am getting sick everyday because of morning sickness, and its ok because I am learning to accept that my body has needs that I have to abide by. I can tell when my body doesn’t want to eat vs. when it really does want to. I haven’t been losing weight which is really great. When I am tired I rest, when I am sick, I let myself be sick. It’s all working out so far.

But it goes beyond just pregnancy. Weight loss, weight gain, self esteem, our panic; all happen in result to what we are listening to in our heads, as opposed to listening to our bodies. If we really were in tune with our bodies, we would eat when we were hungry, and stop eating when we got full. There wouldn’t be so many overweight Americans. Sure there are always exceptions, thyroid issues or other medical problems, but I am not referring to the exception. How many times do we eat out of emotional pain? How many times do we not eat because of guilt? How many times do we feel bad about ourselves after eating too much, or too little which then lowers our self esteem? How many times do we panic because we care too much about what others think of us and how we should “be” around them as opposed to doing what feels natural? Instead of thinking “I need to eat this huge plate of food cause that’s what’s expected of me…” you might just decide, “I am not hungry right now. Maybe I will just snack on an appetizer and eat something later when my body needs it.” Your body won’t let you starve yourself.

Granted this line of thinking really is closely associated with anxiety around food. I don’t really see how listening to your body will help you drive on the freeway, or take the elevator, or leave the house. That is all about changing how you think and doesn’t really apply here.

But for those of us struggling to gain weight or lose it, I think if we could all learn to stop listening to our thoughts as much and listen more to our bodies; the anxiety will naturally fade some and our bodies will only take what they need. I know, easier said than done.

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Catching Up

I apologize for the long delay in posts. I have obviously had a lot on my mind lately and most of my computer time is spent researching what the heck is going on inside of me. Since I have found out that I am pregnant I have had 2 situations where my anxiety kicked in.

One time my family went out to eat after seeing a ballet. I was starving and ate so much I felt huge! Well I wasn’t feeling too great afterward, but it wasn’t nausea. People could see I wasn’t doing too well so the trip home began. The woman sitting next to me who wasn’t immediate family asked me if I was having morning sickness. For some reason this spurred the all too familiar burning sensation in the back of my neck. This happens when I feel embarrassed or ashamed, or I am about to throw up. I told her no, it was something else and then really had to try to distract myself from the pain and the anxiety that came out of no where. I was thinking that maybe it was a miscarriage, and that too had me worried. Luckily I made it home and all is well and I didn’t let my panic accelerate any more.

Last Friday I had a coworker that I have worked with for the past 6 years leave. We had a going away luncheon at a local restaurant and I was feeling nauseas- morning sickness nausea. But I wanted to go to support him, so I went and ordered a soup and salad. I nibbled for awhile and in the end I ate a good portion, and I didn’t throw up. I was nervous that my anxiety would kick in and accelerate my already upset stomach. My worries were that very few people know that I am expecting so even if I got morning sickness, its not like I had an excuse to share. The anxiety did kick in a little, but I was again able to distract myself by taking pictures of the event and getting very involved in the conversation. Any time my mind started to wander to negative thoughts, I just redirected my thoughts to something else. It worked!

I have been off all of my medication since Thanksgiving so I knew the next couple months would be really hard on my emotions.

Lately ANNOYANCE has been the biggest problem I am dealing with. Everything annoys me and I am not as quiet about sharing them like I would have been otherwise. It’s a real bummer cause at work I am always in a bad mood because of what someone else did. I am trying to remember that “Happiness is not something that happens on the outside of you, its something that happens on the inside you.” Or something like that. Basically it means that other people can not determine whether we are happy or not. Only we can decide that.

I will try to post more often about helpful things that come my way. Thank you to everyone for all of your comments and well wishes. I appreciate all of you!

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