Sunday, June 24, 2007

Success Exists and I'm on Top of the World

photo by Renee_W
Friday night was an all around huge success. I am feeling so proud of myself for preparing so well. I was able to concentrate during dinner on just eating what I wanted and thats exactly what I did. We had tacos and I ate one soft taco which was really good and then I was content so I stopped and no one said anything about it. I was able to enjoy and participate in the conversation and never had to focus on my breathing or positive affirmations. I think I was more comfortable than usual because I had told her before about my anxieties and so the pressure was off for trying to impress them and be "perfect" because the secret was already out. I had so much fun. We told funny stories and laughed and afterward went out to see a movie (1408 which I recommend, it was a good scary movie). After the movie we left to go home but I had so much fun I wanted to hang out with them again as soon as possible. Its very cool that I was so calm and collected. Granted, I took a little Clonozapam before I went and that might have helped but I'm okay with that.

I feel that this experience will help me in my goal to break out of the captive fear of caring about what others think. It might be a slow crawl, the anxiety is still there, and some days are worse than others- but this was a huge success for me. I know that by writing it all out beforehand I was able to enter the phobic situation in a more relaxed state of mind which is what you are supposed to do before you "expose" yourself to your fears.

I am hoping that I can continue to document successful situations such as this so that they will outweigh the setbacks. Also the more success I have the more I can draw for proof to stop the overgeneralization that I will always have an attack in a certain situation. I might have mentioned this already but its so much easier to remember the bad situations because they leave a harder impression in your mind. The good times, the successes, are much harder to remember and so I want to remember this day, this feeling of pride and accomplishment and success. photo by simon24601

Thanks to everyone's love and support. I really do appreciate it.

I get a gold star for the day :)

2 comments:

Debaser said...

Sounds like a great night. I haven't watched a scary movie since I was diagnosed, thinking that it would probably make me jump out of a window or something. But I do want to see that one because I'm a pretty big John Cusack fan. "Grosse Point Blank" is one of my favorite movies of all time.

I've had a lot of success recently, too.

Brinn said...

CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy for you. See, it can be done, with a bit of preparation. And yes, it is work, but it's worth it.

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