In my last post I talked about a family BBQ that I was preparing for since that is a potential trigger situation for an anxiety attack. It turned out to be very casual and people were eating on and off whenever, so I was very comfortable. I sat next to my niece who was all alone so she wouldn’t feel left out. Part of me wonders if I did that so that I wouldn’t have to eat around everyone else, and it might have been. I was able to eat a lot of good food, and even compliment the chefs while I was eating because I felt that no one was monitoring me or judging what was or wasn’t on my plate.
Besides eating, I also opened up to something I normally wouldn’t have done and played a little volleyball. I didn’t do all that bad and I had a lot of fun. Normally I would have worried too much about embarrassing myself, but I think I am feeling very accepted by my in laws and I am not caring if they see my flaws as much as I used to.
Also, one of my new hobbies is photography, and so I spent a lot of time focusing on others instead of myself and what might be going on in my own head. I was able to get some great shots of the kids which makes me happy.
Overall it was such a fun party and I wanted to do another one again, rather than avoid it, which definitely is progress!