Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Internal Cleansing: Confrontation and Assertiveness


Lately my life has been filled with confrontation. This is new territory for me. Usually I run from it like the plague. I would rather bottle up any frustrations and deal with those consequences than have it out with someone. Why? Because I hate how awkward it is and I want everyone to like me, and I cave under pressure. I really struggle with defending my thoughts when going into battle. It’s easier to just keep the peace.

However lately that hasn’t been an option. I have gone into battle and I hope good has come out of it.

A given example is at my work. This morning I had to confront my boss about micromanaging me. I was not looking forward to it but I knew if I didn’t say anything, it would continue and I would slowly lose any power that I have over my department. I don't want to lose my job, or submit my team to being told what to do by him instead of me because its confusing for them. Plus it tells me that he doesn't trust me to do my job. Feathers have been ruffled.

So I came clean and told him how I felt. I told him I felt like he was doing my job and that it I appreciate input and feedback, but that he should let me handle my department instead of holding meetings without me there, giving out assignments, etc. He was defensive and tried to invalidate my concerns and justify his actions. I tried to stick up for myself, being strong and staying with my convictions. Maybe I didn’t do the best job, I am very new at this, but the point is that I did it. I stood up for myself and for when I felt I was being treated wrongly.

Its common for people with Social Anxiety to not be assertive. However, if you just allow things to stay bottled up, they fester and boil until it becomes toxic. And then you wonder why you are so sad, tired, anxious, stressed, etc.

I want to know about your success stories about being assertive or confrontational (when appropriate) and how it helped you in your life, so please share!

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2 comments:

Jack said...

Unfortunately I don't have any assertiveness success stories... yet. But I'm working on it. Thanks for the great examples of what you said to your boss.

Anonymous said...

Who are you? I read the first paragraph of this blog, and it was as if someone explained me to the tiniest detail. Thanx, I know now i am not the only one. I'v been struggling with anxiety lately for the first time in my life. Thanx for posting this. it's been helpful

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