Setbacks are extremely hard for me. It takes me days to a week to get over them. Sometimes I feel so over my head- there is too much to do and I can't remember it all, I can't control my body. I feel like sometimes I can handle my anxiety, and then many days I can not. So this morning when I woke up and anxiety hit my stomach the moment my eyes opened as it has for the last several weeks, I broke down. I sat shaking in the shower, balling, not sure how I would ever make it to work feeling such a loss of control over my own body. Something needed to be done. I was worried about how taking another sick day off of work would effect my job, but I knew I couldn't go to work in the emotional state I was in.
So I faced the facts. I am in over my head. My health is more important than my job. I spent the day working with my insurance company to find a counselor that I could talk to. I was able to catch an appointment that afternoon. I was so excited to speak with someone that could help me. I left my house 20 minutes early just in case I got lost because I am extremely directionally challeged. Just my luck, not enough time. I have never gotten more lost in my life. I finally showed up- only 45 minutes late! I was soo frazzled after almost getting into 2 car accidents and one pull off to cry I could hardly make it up the steps without tripping over myself. I'm sure the Counselor thought I was a mess.
Since I was so late we only got to chat for about 15 minutes, but it was nice. She was a little older and very calm and relaxing to talk to- very motherly. I have great hopes that she will be able to help me where I can't seem to keep up.