Thursday, May 24, 2007

Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful

“The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7).

Yesterday was a really tough day for me as I explained earlier. At one point of the day I called my sister who lives in Georgia to cry and talk to her since I was feeling down. When I got back from my initial visit with my new counselor, my neighbor stopped me in the driveway to give me a boquet of flowers that someone had delivered. It is a beautiful full boquet of red roses with one white daisy sticking out. The card said, "Be your own kind of beautiful! I love you! -Lisa" Just like the picture shows, I don't have to be one of the roses to have my own unique beauty shine through. It was a good reminder that I shouldn't care where other people think I should be. Its my life and no matter how people think I should behave or look or feel, it doesn't matter. I can't worry or care about the judgments. That is the hardest lesson I will have to learn. I know right now I still do care and thats what spawns my attacks.

It turned the rest of my day around. It was nice to know that I had someone cheering me on and was supporting me not just making progress, but was there to support me when I didn't, when I went backwards.

Today has been rough as well but in a different way. I am back at work and struggling to get through the day with this constant nausea feeling in my stomach. I have no appetite whatsoever but I am not going to push myself cause that will only make things worse. The hardest thing about today is that I am back at square 1. Starting completely over. I can't keep thinking about where I was cause it just gets me down. So what if its 1:40 pm and I have only taken in 269 calories. A few weeks ago I was in the 2550 range at the end of the day and thats how I was gaining weight, but I didn't start there.
I think I started at 500 originally, and thats when I was feeling good. So I will take it one step at a time, one day at a time, at my own pace. Positive Affirmation Alert: "I can take as small a step forward as I choose. There's no need to push myself." This is the first time in my life where I completely understand that phrase, "One day at a time."

1 comment:

Drama Queen said...

Aimee - its such a lovely surprise to find that someone is on your side, even when you aren't! I know its hard not to compare how you were with how you are and not to yern for the better times, when stuck in the midst of a bad time it feels like it will always be that way, but it won't. We all suffer set backs and they come at the most inopportune times (when is opportune though really?)

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

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