Thursday, January 20, 2011

Worst Fears Sometimes Do Come True

Happy to say that my little boy finally came on Nov 23rd. He is such a blessing and a little sweetheart. Meet Paxton:

Most of the time I tell myself I am worrying for no reason, and alot of times my fears are very silly and I know it. And that is usually the case. But I admit I am a big wuss, and I was really concerned about the pain of delivering a baby again. So I did everything I could think of to prepare.
  • I switched doctors and hospitals to be able to deliver at one that was right down the street. 
  • I took a tour of the hospital to be more familiar with where I needed to go.
  • I spoke with my doctor and the hospital personel about how I deliver very quickly.
  • I watched videos about how to breathe during labor and I practiced. 
  • I wrote out my positive affirmations and packed them in my hospital bag.
  • I created a playlist of peaceful songs on my ipod.
However, it is very unfortunate and sad and scary to say that my worst fears about his delivery ultimately came true and that no matter how much I prepared, my fate was ultimately in the hands of other people.

For the first two hours of contractions I was really proud of myself. I did my breathing exercises and handled the contractions really well. I was in good spirits because I figured my epidural would be coming any minute and I could hang on until then. To make a really long story short, even though I told the staff I wanted an epidural as soon as possible and that I deliver very quickly, it still took them 2.5 hrs from the time I asked for it to get it to me and the first epidural only numbed my legs, not the contractions. So by the time I got the correct dosage, it was too late. I ended up delivering my baby naturally and then had the epidural kick in afterwards. Not trying to scare any women out there, but it was the most painful experience of my life. It was a nightmare come true. I still get angry when I think about it. The worst part was that I was in so much pain, obviously so, and the nurses were just moseying around like they see it everyday, no big deal, no need to rush to help me out. Luckily since I deliver quickly the whole torturous event only lasted 4 hours. All I can conclude from the experience is that if I ever have another baby, I will learn how to deliver naturally not because I want to, but because its the only way I can be in control if I need to be.

So after a long break of sleepless nights and lots of baby spit up, I think I am finally ready to take back my life and get things rolling again. Thanks for all of the well wishes sent my way, I really appreciate them.

Anyone else ever feel like they had to rely on others to help them in a scary situation? Did they come through for you or were you let down?



Melissa Mae said...

I am just not starting the uphill climb to treating anxiety....I am 2 days into a new medicine. It has made me very nauseous and I have woke my husband twice. He is always there for me and does not complain. I am hoping to soon be past this phase of the medicine so he can have his normal wife back.

Hannah said...

Hi--First-time commenter here. Thanks so much for being a voice for all of us struggling with anxiety disorders. I really appreciate that, so much.

I'm so sorry to hear about your scary experience, by the way. It sucks when those we trust (such as doctors and nurses) really let us down.

As for an experience when I had to rely on others to help me in a scary situation, I recently got lost in Boston (I live with my parents in a small suburb outside of Boston, so I don't know the city all that well) while I was trying to find my way to a staffing agency for an interview. I got completely lost, but thankfully, my amazing parents were able to help me (as was the man that I was interviewing with), and I eventually found my way there. Then, after my interview, I got lost again (navigation is so not my forte, lol) trying to find my way to the train station to get home. Again, my parents came to the rescue, and my dad, who works in Boston, eventually left work for a few minutes, since I was having a hard time following his directions, and he walked me to the train station himself (and this is a man who has been limping quite a bit lately due to the lasting effects of a childhood car crash, so for him to walk me all that way was, in a word, incredible...I love my dad).

Hannah said...

Oh, and by the way, your son is absolutely adorable! Congratulations!

Ali B said...

Congratulations, what a beautiful blessing. So sorry you had a bad experience. I had a similar situation with my first. I called the hospital before we left home with my second and told them to have my epidural ready, and thankfully they did. Thank you for this wonderful blog. I refer to it often.

Betty Wilkins said...

I was in a bad car accident and had a concussion. Since then I was diagnosed with post-traumatic brain injury with onset depression. I found a site that offers a lot of good remedies for it, you can find it in my link above.

Anxiety said...

Congratulations , your son is adorable .Anxiety can really cause us pain, but I also think it can make us appreciate the wonderful things in life when they come along.

depression said...

It really does suck when the people we trust and need like our health professionals let us down.

Krystal.and. Ty Clamors said...

I am with hannah. thank you so much for being a voice out there...

my husband joined the army and we are moving to alaska friday- scared and having anxiety out of my mind! this was a relief to find on blog spot... i will follow you everyday!

who evers out there pray for people with anxiety.. very big struggle. thank you though!

The Blue Morpho said...

First off, congrats on the birth of your son! I think all women who choose to have a second child are very brave - they know what is coming and do it anyway :)

I've had some terrible experiences in hospitals with both doctors and nurses who should have known how to handle a person with GAD and PTSD, but didn't. But I've also had some very helpful and compassionate experiences when I most needed them.

I don't know why it is so hard to have one's needs met in a hospital environment, doctor's office, or what have you. Easing mental distress seems so ... beneath medical professions. My advice, and what I always do myself now, is go with an advocate - husband or whatever - whose job it is to pester the living $#%@ out of the staff. Squeaky wheel and all that. It often works, for some reason they take an advocate more seriously than a patient.
Adventures in Anxiety Land

people with anxiety disorder said...

Firstly, congrats on having your son. I use to have anxiety and it sure isn't fun, it can actually be really scarey.

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