I'm Being Followed by a Moon Crater!

Do you remember in junior high when you would get that one extremely large pimple on your face and it would destroy your self esteem? You couldn't look anyone in the eye and tried at all costs to cover the spot with your hand. It felt like a huge spotlight was on it  and everyone was laughing at you. My brothers and sisters would taunt each other singing "You're being followed by a moon crater, moon crater, moon crater!" to the Moonshadow song.

TMI ALERT! if you are easily grossed out, you may not want to keep reading.
I have been blessed with this special gift I like to call forced humility even now when I am 27 years old. Occasionally I will get a nickel sized infection on my chin that scabs over like a cut or cold sore would and takes a week or two to go away. Nothing makeup can cover though I try heaven knows. I've only had it about three times over the last ten years but each time I get it, I think I am either really stressed or my immune system is down. But when I get it, oh man do I feel so embarrassed. It's hard enough to deal with social situations without the additional worries!

Well this last week I got it. Just in time for when my whole family came to town. I couldn't stop thinking about what I would say to them when they asked me what it was. I went over my medical explanation over and over on the drive to meet them. It makes me feel to some degree like a leper must have felt. When I showed up and greeted everyone, I surprisingly veered way off my planned course and just announced to everyone that I was aware of the invasion on my face and they shouldn't be alarmed or something similarly sarcastic. My sisters laughed and told me they didn't even notice it nor would have if I hadn't pointed it out, nor did they care. I guess now that we are older the moon crater song has been forgotten. But I felt better because it was out in the open and I didn't have to try to hide it or explain it or worry whether people had noticed. I could relax a bit more and try not to think about it.

I've decided to look at it like I mentioned earlier. As an opportunity to be humbled and as a reminder to not judge those around me so critically.

Anyone else ever have these humbling teaching moments?

On a side note, I have the best readers ever. Its so silly that I could get so worked up over one lousy comment when there are so many other wonderful people out there that are looking out for me everyday. Thank you to everyone that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside when I really needed it. I hope I can someday return the favor.

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Warning: MY "Incessant Monologues" are "Hardly Interesting and Certainly not Helpful"

As I was checking my email today, I received a comment notification that someone left on the blog. I was shocked as I read it, and although its not flattering I decided to publish it anyway. I decided to post about it as opposed to replying in the comment section. Here is what the person said,

"My take on this site, incessant monologues and content:

ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, Me, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME.

ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME.

Hardly interesting and certainly not helpful.

Yes, management of any condition is crucial and continual. But until you address the underlying events and sources....forget it.

Your daily doodlings and cake talk are a disservice as the fake smiles and cute fonts mask any acknowledgment of underlying issues. It's denial in my opinion.

Yes, affirmations are great. Coping mechanisms are great. Some therapies are great. Anything that helps and is healthy is a positive direction.

What concerns me is your self branded character is simply that, unsubstantiated unvalidated diary entries making lite of a real medical condition.

This site should be renamed: "MY reality of MY anxiety".

Any person in search of real data and hopeful of achieving real results (founded on medical data and empirical research) should avoid this site.

M."

Really? Seriously?

I am all for reviews and comments, good or bad, but this was a bit on the harsh side on my opinion. I guess I was under the impression that people who suffer from social anxiety was more sensitive to the feelings of others, but I guess this is not always the case. Rather than let this ruin what was starting out to be a good day, I have decided to leave my thoughts on this and then forget about it and move on.

Let me explain what I believe this site is so as to not confuse anyone. This site is a BLOG. A blog as stated by dictionary.com is "an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page." Of course this is not a site strictly about the medical aspect of anxiety although I do dabble in that at times. There are PLENTY of medical websites out there and I am not a doctor. I post journal like entries, about me, because that's all I can speak for. I am not about to tell you how you feel or what your symptoms are. I try to provide personal experiences that other people can relate with and hopefully learn from my mistakes or my successes. Its a place to draw inspiration, motivation, information, and mainly SUPPORT.

This site is a place that I spend a lot of time and therefore I like to make it a place that is comfortable and uplifting. I want it to be different from all the formal looking medical websites that are out there because again, its a BLOG.

I have learned in life that no matter how hard you try, you cannot please everyone and someone out there isn't going to like you.

Anyway, I could go on but I don't think it would do any good. In other news, I quit blogging for HealthyPlace.com because I didn't like how neglected this site had become. Hopefully I'll be able to post more interesting and helpful blog posts in the future.

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Cool Quote Alert

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” - Ernest Hemingway

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My 2 Least Favorite Words: Just Relax!

This past weekend I attended a 2 day photography workshop. I picked this particular workshop because it wasn't too far away from where I lived.  I paid for it over a month in advance and I was really looking forward to it. I knew when I paid I would cross my fingers that my hubby would be in town to watch the little one, but that he could possibly be gone as well. Sure enough, the day before the workshop he had to fly out of town last minute for the entire weekend.  It made things complicated which was what I wanted to avoid. We were scrambling to find babysitters for both nights but we managed to do it. Now I had to drop her off on my way there with dinner and a nap in her as opposed to just leaving her with her Dad.

Day One

I ended up arriving 5 minutes late the first day, a bit frazzled from my circus routine in getting there. The instructor made sure to point it out to the class which left me a little uncomfortable right from the start. He was poking fun at how unprofessional I was to arrive late and how real photographers are always early. I wanted to sock him for not realizing the hoops I was jumping through to even be there, 5 minutes late or not.

The first day was classroom instruction. The second day was an actual photo shoot of two models and a motorcycle, but the location was undisclosed until we were at the workshop. When he announced the photoshoot was 40 minutes away, I was again annoyed. That added two more babysitting hours onto the next day, and it meant I had to drive on two unfamiliar highways to get to a random overpass. Driving to unfamiliar places, especially when there are highways involved make me very nervous.

Day Two

The next day I left much earlier so that I could have plenty of "getting lost" and "freaking out" time if I needed it. On the way there I thought to myself, "I am actually paying someone to torture me like this. I put myself in this uncomfortable situation, and its a good thing to do, but I still paid an arm and a leg for it. " In the end I was so proud of myself. I found the location in one piece and I got there early. Anyone that gets nervous driving knows that after a drive like that you are still a little on edge.

As I was setting up I asked the instructor a question. I don't remember the question, and I don't remember his answer except for when he told me I should "Just relax!" He said that several times to me over the two day course. I must have come across to him as a really uptight person. That's not who I want to be. However this workshop was a stressful thing for me to do. And again his judgmental, transparent comments left me annoyed.

Anyone with anxiety knows that if we could "Just relax" we would in a heartbeat. Its not easy for us to calm our nerves, slow our pounding heart, and fully enjoy everything.

I had a stressful but growth filled weekend. I learned that even if I don't like someone's personality, I can still learn from them. I learned that I can do hard things, all by myself. And I bet you can too.

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This post was originally posted on Aimee's other anxiety blog, The Nitty Gritty of Anxiety at HealthyPlace.com

I Knew it!

With this pregnancy being so different from my first one, I knew I had to be having a boy this time around. My first trimester was pretty awful. Now that I am in my second trimester and the morning sickness is gone and I am getting my energy back, hopefully things will liven up around here. Finding out I am having a boy has only ensured many stressful, gray hairing days to come. Hope all is well with you! Drop me a line and let me know how things are going. Feel free to ask any questions too :)

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Where's my Anti-Stress Calming Collar?

 

Here is what I just posted over at The Nitty Gritty of Anxiety:

I have a cat. Got her as a cute kitten but now she is a cat. This is the first one that I have ever owned. I am a big animal lover, but this cat has been testing my patience. She has issues with a quiet house. Anytime someone is sleeping, she can't stand it and starts meowing. She meows right outside my daughter's door when she is napping. Worse is every night when the family tries to sleep and the wee hours of the morning. Constantly meowing, loudly. She has food and water, access to the outside, access to any room she wants, lots of cat toys, two dogs to play with, but nothing keeps her quiet. On top of all that she's mean and bites or scratches you if you try to touch her. I am at my wits end, willing to try anything so I don't have to give her away.

Today I found and interesting product in the pet aisle. Its called an "Anti-Stress Calming Collar" and is designed to "safely and effectively calm cats". The box continues, "Ideal for stressful" and "unexpected situations". The collar contains pheromones that are supposed to naturally calm your pet cat. I bought it to try out for nighttime to see if it could help calm my uneasy cat so I can finally get a good night's sleep.

As I was reading the box I found myself thinking, "Where's my anti-stress calming collar?" Wouldn't it be great if someone invented a similar collar, like a bracelet for example to help you with anxiety? The boxes could read the same thing, "ideal for stressful and unexpected situations." Take it out before going to that party and tah-dah! You are anxiety free for the evening. Having a rough batch of morning anxiety? Slip it on when you first wake up and your day is suddenly much brighter.  It would be nice if there was a simple cure-all for our anxiety. Unfortunately we as humans are very complicated creatures and our minds are not so easily fooled.

Also unfortunate, the calming collar did nothing to stop my cats meowing problem. Have you ever tried a product claiming to cure anxiety only to have it not work?

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Cool Quote Alert

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."
-Dawna Markova

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