Monday, April 27, 2009

I haven't died, promise.

I have really struggled lately about posting, because its been so long and I feel so bad that it has just become overwhelming and so I have avoided it altogether. You get this feeling like, "I gotta post something really good" and that's no fun. When I started this blog, it was for me, because that's what I needed at the time just to make it through the day. Every day I felt extreme anxiety and this was a therapeutic way to journal about my feelings and try to make sense of everything. Over time the blog has changed, as well as its purpose. I feel now that the blog is no longer for me, but rather, its for all of you.

I still have anxiety. The last few months have definitely tested my skills and I know I am still on a journey to figuring it all out. But where I used to be so open about everything, I feel hesitant to be so open now which definitely means the blog is no longer for me.

Do I want to keep posting? Definitely. Do I want the blog to stay alive? Of course. As I notice all the spammers taking over the comments section it really REALLY angers me. But then one soul out there will leave a real, genuine, heartfelt comment that I know was hard to write and that makes EVERYTHING worth it.

So I will continue to post when I find something for you of value, but how often? I can't say. But I haven't died, promise. And I hope the blog doesn't either. But I won't put in fluff just so I can say I blogged. If you have a topic that you are interested in learning more about please leave a comment so I can research it or fill you in on any tips that I already have. As long as its not a comment soley based on selling xanax or other advertisements I am all for it. I want to help you if I can, so let me.

On a side note, I like to do hobbies to boost my self-esteem and because they are relaxing. When spring comes I am itching to get in the dirt and plant something. I have always done flowers but this year I am starting my first garden.


I am trying out a square foot garden, and we'll see how it does. Everything I am learning about this process I have learned from the blog My Square Foot Garden:



Gardening is SOOO relaxing to me. It feels good to get some work done and be outside in the warmth and then to watch something grow because of what you did. Usually I end up killing a lot of what I plant so I get really excited when something actually grows!

These are my baby strawberries. I have also planted lettuce, onions, and carrots and will try some tomatoes and corn in a little bit when its warmer.

Other hobbies I recommend learning about are photography and yoga.

Hope all is well out there!

7 comments:

Faisal said...

hey, i just started following this blog when i found out i have social anxiety. I'm trying to move past it but i dont know if it will go away. Will it?

rosiero said...

I find gardening relaxing and therapeutic too.

Robert said...

Good to hear from you again.

You have been an inspiration to my wife for a long time. Right now she's starting to overcome her anxieties, so we'll see if she becomes as successful as you.

Best wishes.

Emily said...

Hello,

I have been following your blog for the past few months now. I have had generalized anxiety since I was young, only now am I beginning to understand it. I'm usually a little anxious for a week or two, then it goes away, and the cycle repeats. However, I do get panic attacks. I get very anxious thinking about the future and when changes are occurring in my life. For example, I just received an acceptance to medical school. I was very excited, but then it turned to panic and anxiety that has been lasting a week so far. My long-term boyfriend and I are looking at apartments as we are going to have to relocate 3.5 hours away. I should be pleased and excited about my future, but it is masked by panic and anxiety. I guess I was just wondering if you had any advise or knowledge on this type of anxiety.

Thanks, and keep writing the blog! It gives me inspiration!

Emily

VIctoria Schlicht said...

Leza,

What a lovely, heartfelt site you have here. I honor you for sharing your journey and working against your fear of being judged or embarrassed in order to do so.

I love Square Foot Gardening, by the way. Have you seen the book? My copy looks like it has been through a war. This is a great way to garden and having our hands in the soil, working with how Life really is a self-healing force, is a great way to connect to our own sense of peace. I think Square Foot is a particularly good format for those of us who experience ourselves as anxious--It brings such a sense of order and control to the world. At lease until the first Tomato Horn Worm shows up! ;)
Your bed looks beautiful.

Congratulations on your website success. Well deserved.

Be Well,

Victoria

Anxiety Girl said...

Your garden beds are adorable! We have little strawberries & veggies in the garden growing, too, & it is so relaxing. It's also lovely to share with children & see them get excited as beans they planted begin to shoot up. Take care & I'll look for your posts as they arise.

Aimée said...

Faisal,

I left a comment on the latest post about your question, but in a short answer, I don't think anxiety is curable. Its a personal belief, but I think its something you have to learn to manage. Thanks for the question and I hope to hear from you soon!

Emily,
It sounds like you are telling yourself something to make you nervous about your future. Perhaps you are saying something like, "This has to work out" or "What if it doesn't work out?" without even realizing it but if you really think about why you are getting anxious, it has to be because of something you are telling yourself. I do this all the time, especially with vacations. I think you need to figure out what you are afraid of happening and work on how you can replace the negative thoughts with positive ones such as "I can do this one baby step at a time" or "I am in control of my life". If you constantly say the positive things they will help to change the way you think and hopefully lessen the anxiety. I hope that helps! If not shoot me an email and we can discuss it in more detail.

Take Care!
Aimee

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