To Take or Not To Take, That is The Question

I've hit my second trimester of pregnancy and BAM! Just like that the anxiety is back. I did really well the last few months going cold turkey off my meds. I expected things to go a lot worse. I gained 5 pounds so far which is really great. Lots of women don't gain anything because they are too sick the first trimester. So I am really proud about that.

These last couple days however, I can't shake this anxious feeling. Its there when I wake up, and comes and goes throughout the day. I have no appetite because I am getting over the flu, and I wonder if that has something to do with it. I have lost a pound or two from the flu and that always feels like a setback. I can't help but wonder if I should get back on my meds now that I am passed the first trimester.

Overall I just don't feel well anymore. My self confidence is down and I am losing faith in myself. I am tired of not feeling well, not having energy, etc. But I guess it all comes with the territory.



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Overcoming an Anxiety Attack

photo by fotologic

I am very proud of myself. Today I had a panic attack, but I rode it out and I overcame it. I haven’t had a panic attack, or anxiety at all for that matter, since Thanksgiving.

I got invited to a luncheon with my new department and the fear took a hold right away. It was that panic that I dread which only makes it worse once you recognize its there. So I pulled up some of my previous blogs posts that I refer to often to help myself and I did my mental exercise to prepare for the lunch. I felt a little bit better before we left. Once there the panic came rushing back again and I could tell I was going to be sick, so I went to the restroom. This nausea was definitely different than pregnancy nausea. My face and neck and were flushed and burning. I sat there ready and waiting to vomit, when I closed my eyes, took some deep breaths, and starting saying my positive affirmations over and over.

"There’s no need to push yourself. You can take as small a step forward as you choose."

"I believe in myself apart from other’s opinions."

"I am learning that I don’t need to eat to please others, I only need to eat to please myself."

I could feel the burning sensation leaving, and my body and mind starting to calm down. When I felt like maybe I wouldn’t throw up after all, I sat down and my legs started shaking like they always do after my panic attacks when the adrenaline is working itself out. I was amazed. Sure I had a panic attack, but I was able to keep myself calm enough to not throw up, and to ride it out for the few minutes it was there. I was able to go back out and eat comfortably after that knowing that the worst was over.

I was just so excited to know that even out of practice, I remembered the skills I need to make it through a panic attack, and to help it not be as severe as it could have been.

For ways to overcome a panic attack, you might enjoy some of my posts on:

• 10 Step Mental Exercise That Will Reduce Panic
• My Top Ten Anxiety Tools and Resources
• Master Rather Than Victim of My Mind
  

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No Sympathy if You Don’t Try to Change

This is a little thing I live by whether its right or wrong. Don't get me wrong, I can sympathize, empathize, show compassion, and feel bad for someone if they are in a crappy situation. I am not a heart of stone. However, if after a certain amount of time of hearing the same complaints over and over and knowing the person has done nothing to change their predicament; I lose the sympathy and just get tired of listening. I have been known to tell people after years of the same problem that unless they do something about it, I don’t want to hear about it anymore.

Sometimes I have to take a look at myself and see if I am doing the same thing to others. I have been struggling with work lately and have even written a couple blog posts on it, because it really has been crappy and has been affecting my moods. A couple of you told me that maybe I should be looking for a change. That hit home to me, because really I wasn’t doing anything to improve the situation yet sulking and complaining was the natural release.

So I am pleased to announce that I did take steps to improve my work situation. At first I struggled because I didn’t think I had very many options being pregnant and all. But I posted my resume on Monster and was surprised of the response I got. I still didn’t think I would be a great candidate when they learned of my pregnancy so I didn’t pursue any of those too much. Plus the stress of starting a new job at a new company doesn’t sound like fun. But to know I had options really improved my self esteem and quieted some doubts. Luckily a position opened up at my work in a different department and although it will be a significant pay cut since it’s not a managerial position, it will allow me to work part time and at home after the baby is born at an hourly wage that is very good! I couldn’t be more excited or feel more blessed. Not only will I not have the stressors of management- meetings, confrontations, hiring, firings, dealing with senior management, etc. but I will be able to have the ideal setup and I won’t be working for my boss which has been the hardest thing.

It’s not completely official but it looks like it will be happening very soon. Thanks to everyone for your advice. I really do listen, promise. And now hopefully my complaints will go down as well which is better for everyone.

Moral of the story: Are you one of those people that when encountering a problem, take action to change your plight or do you thrive on the sympathy and attention you get from others, maybe from your anxiety or panic attacks?

That might sound like a silly question but it happens. We may not even realize it, but deep down we may be benefiting from having anxiety and don’t really want to give up that benefit. The question is what are we gaining? Is it really worth it? Do you thrive on the attention for example? Maybe your spouse picks up the slack in other areas of life that you don’t want to deal with such as housework, taking care of the kids, and the finances. There are so many possibilities. It’s interesting to think about, and to weigh whether the subtle benefits are worth the crippling effect of anxiety. If you decide to give them up, then change is the next step. Change can be a career change like me for example, a break in a relationship, a trip to the doctor, to the bookstore, out of your front door. It could be going out with a friend, taking a chance on a new relationship, etc.

So what kind of person are you?

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Great Quote Alert

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

--Brian Tracy

New Year, Clean Slate, Fresh Look

New Year, Clean Slate, Fresh Look

Sorry I did not write over break, my computer broke and I had no internet access. It’s nice to get in touch with the world again. Happy New Year! What an amazing feeling to know that you have a whole new year to start over. As Natasha Beddingfield says, “Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten.” I am sure you have all made New Year’s Resolutions by now and I hope you are staying positive and motivated. Just a tip, make realistic goals and not too many of them.

I looked back on my 2007 Resolutions and saw that one was to “get over my stomach anxiety” and to gain weight. This made me reflect on everything I have been through this past year and helped me to realize just how much I have accomplished. I have learned so much about anxiety, phobias, etc. and hopefully my journey has helped others to find hope and motivation as well. I may never “get over” my anxiety, but I have learned tools to help me manage it which has helped me to heal, grow stronger in my self esteem, and have a happier life. Sure there are setbacks and bad days where I am not panic free, but I will take today over last January 2 any day.

The holiday break was extremely helpful for my fried emotions. I did nothing. I sat around all day long in my pjs make-up free and watched TV, sewed, and more TV. Today I may be back at work, but I am more relaxed, more patient, and it feels good. I often need to take a day off from work for this purpose only

What are my 2008 resolutions? Besides the obvious baby/parenting ones, all of my goals revolve around finding and bringing more peace into my life by forming good habits. I want to get back into yoga and keep it up consistently. It helps me to stay relaxed and calm more often when I do it regularly, but it’s hard to make time for it when I get home from work and am tired and just want to sleep. So I want to work on that. I want to find a way to stay at peace at work. Whether it’s just remembering the light at the end of the tunnel, or finding/remembering a mantra (ex: happiness happens inside of you, not to you) something to help me not pull my hair out and cry everyday. I want to add more spirituality to my life. Reading my scriptures, prayer, stuff like that. So it all equals more peace.

What are some of your New Year’s Resolutions?

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