Catching Up

I apologize for the long delay in posts. I have obviously had a lot on my mind lately and most of my computer time is spent researching what the heck is going on inside of me. Since I have found out that I am pregnant I have had 2 situations where my anxiety kicked in.

One time my family went out to eat after seeing a ballet. I was starving and ate so much I felt huge! Well I wasn’t feeling too great afterward, but it wasn’t nausea. People could see I wasn’t doing too well so the trip home began. The woman sitting next to me who wasn’t immediate family asked me if I was having morning sickness. For some reason this spurred the all too familiar burning sensation in the back of my neck. This happens when I feel embarrassed or ashamed, or I am about to throw up. I told her no, it was something else and then really had to try to distract myself from the pain and the anxiety that came out of no where. I was thinking that maybe it was a miscarriage, and that too had me worried. Luckily I made it home and all is well and I didn’t let my panic accelerate any more.

Last Friday I had a coworker that I have worked with for the past 6 years leave. We had a going away luncheon at a local restaurant and I was feeling nauseas- morning sickness nausea. But I wanted to go to support him, so I went and ordered a soup and salad. I nibbled for awhile and in the end I ate a good portion, and I didn’t throw up. I was nervous that my anxiety would kick in and accelerate my already upset stomach. My worries were that very few people know that I am expecting so even if I got morning sickness, its not like I had an excuse to share. The anxiety did kick in a little, but I was again able to distract myself by taking pictures of the event and getting very involved in the conversation. Any time my mind started to wander to negative thoughts, I just redirected my thoughts to something else. It worked!

I have been off all of my medication since Thanksgiving so I knew the next couple months would be really hard on my emotions.

Lately ANNOYANCE has been the biggest problem I am dealing with. Everything annoys me and I am not as quiet about sharing them like I would have been otherwise. It’s a real bummer cause at work I am always in a bad mood because of what someone else did. I am trying to remember that “Happiness is not something that happens on the outside of you, its something that happens on the inside you.” Or something like that. Basically it means that other people can not determine whether we are happy or not. Only we can decide that.

I will try to post more often about helpful things that come my way. Thank you to everyone for all of your comments and well wishes. I appreciate all of you!

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