Well I have just had the craziest week in my entire life. Big news… dum dah dah dum!!! (Those were trumpets and now for the drum roll)
I found out the night before Thanksgiving which means I had to face the scariest day of the year medication free and completely freaked out. I did pretty well actually. I told the family and they were so excited. Plus throwing up when your pregnant is completely acceptable so had I than it wouldn’t have been a big deal. But I didn’t.
So why am I am telling all of you when I hardly know you and I am not in the “safe zone” yet? Because you already know all the most intimate secrets of my life anyway, and my anxiety has skyrocketed the last few days because of it and I need the release. I need to document my feelings and like always, maybe I can help someone who is going through the same thing. I am praying that everything goes well but I know the chances of miscarrying and if it happens well than that’s another trial for me to have to overcome and I am sure my anxiety will somehow be swirled into that as well.
But in the meantime I would appreciate any warm thoughts my way J
So here’s the latest dilemma. I stopped both medications as soon as I found out. One doctor told me over the Thanksgiving hotline that Zoloft was ok to take, but I still want to make sure with my family doctor before I continue to take it. I don’t know if stopping so soon without weaning off is worse for me or not. Today was the first day that I would have been able to ask but their nurse hasn’t returned my call. I guess I will try again tomorrow.
So my morning anxiety is very strong every morning. I feel this huge pressure to eat a lot and eat healthy because I have a lot of weight I need to gain. And this time I can’t just blow it off like “I can do what I want” because it’s not just about me anymore. But by lunchtime and afternoon I have calmed down, and by evening I am extremely excited and happy.
So the stress and the pressure are high right now. I know that I need to gain around 28 pounds and that scares me. I have been doing well to eat a lot and eat healthy so far. I have gained some weight already so that is encouraging, and my appetite is pretty good still. I don’t think I have had morning sickness yet. The funny thing is that I don’t know how to determine whether I am just anxious or feeling pregnant nausea since the symptoms might be the same for me. If I feel nauseous I immediately get anxious so it’s going to be interesting to see how I handle it. I am hoping that I will be able to use the coping strategies that I have learned this past year to help me through any nausea.
So how will this affect the blog? I don’t think it will affect it much. My anxiety isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. So keep comin’ back for more!